I left work early last Friday – a tad after 4pm – and drove straight towards the A25, the Barton Highway. After a couple of stops at Gundagai and Euroa to refill and for toilet, I got home to Vicki Street just after 11pm. It was very good to be home again, and be with Tress and LBJ. Kiddo had woken early on Friday morning to say goodbye however, and as always, it was a blend of pain and gain. As is most of life.

We didn’t do much over the weekend. The weather was typical Melbourne winter. It rained all day on Saturday and was cold. Canberra was apparently just as cold as it was on Friday, so I was glad to be in Melbourne for an additional reason. After a home brekky we just milled around and watched a movie on Netflix (Mel Gibson’s Patriot) at home. Then it was lunch at Madam Kwong’s at Box Hill and some shopping at Westfield Doncaster. We then headed back home to continue with Patriot before heading to Forest Hill Chase around 6.30pm to watch Jurassic World, which was a bit of a return to Spielberg’s swashbuckling days of old. He was executive producer and his Amblin Entertainment made it and his fingerprints were indelible across the movie. We couldn’t work out if the GM’ed dinosaur or the T-Rex triumphed in the end (I thought it was the GM thing). It was fun however but we finished the night by rounding up the last 20 minutes or so of Mel Gibson’s aged Patriot.

Sunday it was church and the sentiment was that of a “back to MY church” sort. It was a local mission theme, with school holidays program (“Going Bananas”) starting today. Mavis Payne preached and it was good to be taught the importance of bringing Jesus to the people around our daily lives. In some ways I hadn’t viewed 1 Peter 3:15 through that lens before (as opposed to an apologetic reasoning lens). The local Federal MP, Michael Sukkar, visited and Peter gave him some time on stage for a short interview. It was good to see honest responses, including a brave declaration of support for traditional marriage.

After church it was back to Madam Kwong’s again for lunch before heading back home to pack to return to Canberra. I left Vicki Street around 12.40. That blend of pain and gain made its way to my emotion again as I pulled out of the driveway and waved goodbye to Tress and LBJ. Not long after that Kiddo rang, said it was still very cold in Canberra and my thoughts were a blur for the next hour or so. I had the St Kilda v Essendon game on the radio but other than picking up how the Saints were surging ahead towards a huge lead, I wasn’t following the game.

My mind was meandering its way past a maze of thoughts. Tress, Vicki Street, LBJ, Kiddo, Australia Post, National Blood Authority, St Alfred’s… The challenge is to embrace the present, which includes this very act of walking on this treadmill between Melbourne and Canberra. I remain in this cycle – this roundabout – without an exit in sight. Maybe it’s simply a season of not settling. It could be simply a time where I cling on to this swinging pendulum. Embrace the swing that is the present season. Enjoy the oscillating between the two cities. Where and when it lands, settles, exit and how that ends – that can all happen when the Lord decides it’s time.

Tress rang not long after I finally left the traffic of outer Melbourne and started to cruise the Hume. My hazy maze of thoughts faded away. I listened to the game, wondered how Essendon gave us (Hawks) a close game last weekend and appear to fold so badly a week later against a bottom of the ladder team. I was still about maybe 4 hours from Canberra. It’s a long drive in this roundabout.

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I took my customary lunch time walk a short while ago. It was one of the quickest walk I’ve had, because it was cold…

I bumped into a colleague while waiting at the lift lobby and he said he was cold. He checked his phone and apparently the “feels like” reading was -0.7 deg.

The sub-zero morning (-1 degrees, “feels like” -3 degrees) was causing a creeping discomfort to me fingers as I rode in this morning. The fog made it even more fun. “Pea soup”? Not quite the same hue but visibility was about 50m. Still, it took only a few minutes to ride in. Similarly, the conference at Barton yesterday took only a 15 minute cab ride to get there and had I chosen to ride, it would not have taken me much longer.

It’s a new financial year. I’ve been here for just over 6 weeks. I was at another conference yesterday and so did not come into the office. This morning I got in a touch earlier and out of the 14 emails in the in-box, only 3 were substantive work related and I’ve only got one meeting invite for today. So work wise things are very comfy for now.

Yet I’m still pining for a role back in Melbourne. Whether that happens is something I have little control over at this stage.

Waiting on the Lord is an ongoing wonder…

Update: Was just having lunch and catching up on news and saw this on the foggy and cold Canberra mornings:

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It was my third consecutive weekend here in Canberra. I’m missing Melbourne, particularly Tress and LBJ, the little four legged furry ball.

On Saturday morning it was cold and foggy and I had planned to go for a long slow run. It was foggy when I wanted to go out and so waited for a little while. It stayed that way an hour later so I thought I’d just go. I went up Marcus Clarke way, thinking of going past Commonwealth Avenue across the lake but somehow kept taking wrong turns. I finally found my way there, and headed towards the National Library. The way back is more straight forward although it was still a bit of a loopy route. Google Map had said the run would be about just under 8km but the Runkeeper App I had on said it was just over 10km. The wrong turns and loop-arounds must have added those 2+ km.

Back home and after shower and laundry, Kiddo and I went The Front cafe in Lyneham for an early lunch. That place was teeming, and the eclectic hipster look and feel took me a while to settle into. Kiddo and I caught up with what her Sydney trip was like and it was good just spending a little bit of time over a nice lunch and just talk.

Later that arvo I went to the Civic on my push bike, got my SIM card swapped to fit into an iPhone 5 I had picked up from Gumtree to replace my iPhone 4, which was starting to require 3-4 charges per day and going dead once in the 35% battery zone… That done, I headed to PJ O’Reilly’s to watch the Hawks v Bombers game. Tress later texted to say the game wasnt on TV so it must have been a Foxtel only game, which is just as well for me at that pub. There were only 2-3 other people though so it felt strange to be watching a biggish AFL game in a pub with that level of atmosphere.

That night Kiddo went to Micaiah’s home for a family birthday party and I did a soup at home before settling down for more House of Cards episodes.

Sunday – I was at Crossroads again but Marcus Reeves wasn’t preaching. He was there amongst the congregation though. Simon preached and it was good too. I also met and spoke with a few other people – David who’s with the Crime Commission, John and Robi, an American couple doing work with Defence and Christina a nurse at Calvary Hospital.

Later I headed to Civic again for some grocery shopping, then home for lunch with Kiddo. We had the leftovers Micaiah brought back from the birthday party. The Hainanese Chicken Rice and Chicken Rendang were delicious… After some ironing I headed out, drove to the War Memorial, and walked up Mount Ainslie. The air was crisp and cool, there were lots of people going up and down (many with their dogs) and the sunny day made for a terrific walk in a spot like that. I spent a little bit of time at the top, walked around before coming down and heading home.

Back home it was getting ready for the week again… and it was good to get back to that routine of having Tress on Skype, watching Master Chef, trying to get LBJ to respond to me on Skype… I went to bed early when the show finished, and was on my push bike at -1.5 degree this morning on the way back into the office, when I wondered what the next few days or weeks would look like… whether the roundabout continues…

I woke this morning and found the temperature at 1 deg. Yay… anything higher than 0 deg is a yay… especially when it isn’t wet/raining. So I went for a run through the usual route. I found myself not attuned to watching out for kangaroos or rabbits like I did when I first moved here. I was starting to just go through the paces, with the novelty having worn off somewhat I guess.

For a Friday, today has been busy. In fact this week has been busy. Thankfully my mind is less distracted by possibilities of Melbourne roles this week so work wise it has become more productive and has gone by more quickly than I feared it would. It also means however that tomorrow will be a weekend in Canberra by myself. I had wanted to return to Melbourne but catching with Kiddo would be good, with her having been away to Sydney all week. So Tress and I thought I could be here this weekend and then drive to Melbourne next weekend.

Yesterday I did a presentation. On some government buying powers and its ability to grant indemnities. Sleep inducing stuff for most. It went ok I think. My bit is only small one – maybe 8 slides out of a total of 30. The main presenter was the CFO who was a bit of a larrikin and court jester. He included a TED Talk clip (on fraud) so when it was my turn, I said I didn’t try searching for a TED Talk clip on indemnities (laughter) and if I did, I might have fallen asleep while searching (laughter again). It’s always good to start a presentation with a bit of laugh… the rest went ok, I was relieved but surely there will be more to come…

This morning there was a story about Australia Post doing voluntary redundancies on a big scale. Made me wonder why I was looking to them to get back to work in Melbourne… I’m beginning to think I should really forget about Melbourne for a while, hard as it is to give up hopes of being  there with Tress in Melbourne again.

Kiddo subscribed to Netflix a few months back. When we moved into our apartment and got the internet in, up and running, we got the chrome cast in too and so we can stream stuff onto that little tv we got for the apartment. It’s still a good 32 inch thing but compared to the 60 inch one in Vicki Street, this looked tiny. It has all the basic bells and whistles though so that’s good enough for us.

With kiddo away and me all alone in the apartment, Netflix has become my close and constant companion each night after work. I’d even continue watching on the ipad when I climbed into bed after watching Master Chef “with Tress”.

The content? House of Cards. What. A. Gem.

I had watched bits and pieces of HoC on Foxtel back then in Vicki but I didn’t watch the whole thing. So I decided to start from scratch, put up with watching stuff (episodes/parts) I had watched before, just so the narrative flows.

And so I started watching Season 1, Episode 1 of House of Cards on Netflix, on Monday night. Last night, just the second night, I’m on Episode 7. I skipped ABC’s “The Killing Season“. Kevin Rudd labeling Gillard a liar and Gillard’s description of Rudd’s bastardry – based on real life it may have been – are no match for the Machiavellian mechanisms of Congressman Francis (Frank) Underwood. Or the cold, calculated outcome based ambitions of Mrs Underwood. I can’t imagine anyone more suited to the roles of Mr and Mrs Underwood than Kevin Spacey and Robyn Wright. I’m hooked, and would in these remainder cold Canberra nights, move around under the shadows of the house of cards.

I think I only went to sleep close to 12am last night. May be it’s the coffee I had while at the conference at the Australian Government Solicitor’s office at Barton yesterday arvo. Something had to accompany the banana cake on serve and the Nespresso machine was sitting majestically in a corner so I gave in. That was around 3.15pm – way past my coffee curfew hour. Maybe it’s the sheer adrenaline rushing through my veins as I wallow in the Underwoods’ machinations.

Either way, it kept me occupied and distracted when all alone on a cold Canberra night.

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It was -0.2 degree this morning when I was riding in. It “felt like” -2.6 degrees however. Every single one of my fingers felt like -2.6. Some of them were threatening to leave me, i.e fall off. I had knitted gloves on and I don’t think most of my fingers liked them. They might go on strike soon and demand leather ones.

As cold as it was – especially when riding on the bike – it was refreshing. It felt good, if you don’t take into account sore finger tips.

I have a course this arvo across town and I’m not sure if I should ride. It’s about 25 minutes if I do. I had asked for cab charges yesterday and I’d probably use them to go and return to the office after, and get on my bike to ride home then.

It felt a bit weird last night, being at home all alone. Kiddo’s away to Sydney and Tress had returned to Melbourne earlier in the morning. Thank God for Skype yet again because I was soon “with Tress” again, as we watched Master Chef, having prepared my brekky and lunch earlier. I had left the office late but everything was done quickly and it was good to settle down for a restful night.

I’m still pegging my wishes/hopes on a Melbourne role soon. In as much as things are beginning to settle down here in Canberra and I’m enjoying the work and lifestyle, the issue of being away from home and Tress continues to bug me. She enjoyed coming up to Canberra the last weekend so that’s a plus but the recent pokes from Melbourne have caused me to crane my neck to have a peek across the borders somewhat, and have my hopes stirred.

Maybe it’s just to be savored – this opportunity to live and work in a big country town like Canberra while still having my home in Melbourne, a city I have come to love.

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As I work, walk home, watch the ABC, wake and walk – wade – to work again, I feel I am almost soaking it all in.

After the obligatory Master Chef viewing last night, I continued watching telly. The ABC had the second episode of “The Killing Season” on last night and Kiddo said it’s like watching a train wreck. She’s right. It’s ugly but one stays on to watch the carnage anyway. I have a better sense now of how some of the mandarins may think and speak and when some of them were interviewed last night, I sort of better get what they were on about. Still, the ALP’s faceless men and Shorten did come out looking very bad. Gillard looked the worse of the two disastrous PM’s under Labor in that time. I finished the whole thing, would you believe…

In bed, I resumed watching Ben Carson‘s clips for another half an hour or so before going to sleep.

This morning it poured again. In fact it was bucketing down just as I was about to leave home. I was again grateful for my “waterproof” shoes which kept my feet dry but I did have to hop around puddles quite a bit.

I guess all this “soaking it in” – literally as well as metaphorically absorbing life in a remote, almost detached capital city – did take my mind of what may be happening in Melbourne as far as prospects are concerned. It’s almost I’m happy – for now – to soak in being in the roundabout.

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I’m still in the roundabout, with yet another exit thrown in. Again, this was a lead which came up a couple of months before. I had applied for a role in Unisuper but the process sort of got foggy. I later heard from the grapevine that a nebulous reorganisation was underway and the whole thing fizzled out. Yesterday a HR manager rang to ask if I was still interested in the role. I updated her of my current scenario and she later sent me the position description. It looked very similar to what I was doing at SP so I emailed her to say I was interested.

In spite of how things appear to be going relatively well here, I’m constantly reminded it is only a one year contract role. When I negotiated the offer, my manager had leaned on a 9 month contract as my predecessor had left in February this year. I said I’d be keen only if it was a 12 month contract and he alluded to the possibility of having 2 persons doing the job for the overlapping 3 months and so a 12 month contract it was. This suggests as things stand, the likelihood of an extended role is slim and it is more likely the previous lawyer would return in February next year and my role would finish by May that year, as set out in my offer letter.

All this meant I have become very interested in the AP and Unisuper leads and in spite of my sentiments for NBA and Canberra generally I’d have to seriously give those options a go.

I don’t know how this stacks up from the perspective of my relationship with the Lord, and what His plans are for me in all this. Maybe there aren’t specific reasons/causes for all this. Maybe they’re just hoops He has allowed to be put in my path for one reason or another. The waiting and trusting exercise continues I guess. I’m just grateful the waiting and trusting can happen in a different context, namely, while I’m employed and able to spend time with Kiddo again – getting to know her life in Canberra better, and getting to know her friend too especially Micaiah.

It was very wet this morning and I decided to walk to work. I’m grateful for the umpteenth time for my “waterproof” walking shoes. I first got them 4-5 years ago mainly to walk LBJ when it’s winter and wet in Melbourne. People often say Canberra is  nowhere near as wet as Melbourne but I guess rain does appear in a city where many have lived for so long and this morning I felt the full force of a wet Canberra morning. I got in with dry feet though thanks to those shoes. Where those dry feet will take their next steps in days/weeks to come would be very interesting. For now, they remain on the roundabout.

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