Category: Personal Thoughts

Duped Dumbass


I feel like I’ve been duped into giving up my career and now feel like there’s no way back. Crumbs. God, you remain a mystery.

Reports Galore and Hazy Moments


A few weeks ago I was asked to write a church report. It was to be one of several reports this new regime wanted to include in an AGM report, beyond just the statutory financial stuff. I was reminded about it a few days later and I needed to get it in before the end of the week. So I got home, got it done, and sent it in and it was about mid week. About a week later after a board meeting we were circulated a compilation of all reports submitted. I looked at them and when I got to mine I noted that it hasn’t been read at all.

So I got a bit disappointed.

Over the weekend there were more emails and more reports requested. I decided a de minimis approach was the order of the day.

All these reports. All on stuff we have already talked about repeatedly. It isn’t like there are reporting requirements put in place in a general meeting or the board. Why are we making ministry in a local church so bureaucratic and paper laden? If there is evidence that these reports are read meaningfully and analytically then I’d be more supportive but for the moment it looks like a form over substance stage, which given the context of a local church such as mine, is probably just a meaningless exercise.

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We were at Jason and Mel’s on Friday night till late. After the cell meeting a few of us stayed behind and just chatted and it was about midnight when we left.

On Sat morning Tress and I had our usual coffee session first thing in the morning (after sleeping in a bit), went to the dry cleaning place for my stuff, and then went home for some gardening. I cut the hedges at the back fence, which are probably over 4 meters in height now. The green bin was filling up really quickly so I couldnt have them all trimmed the way I wanted – had to leave it for another day. We then worked on the pine tree at the front. A big branch had grown towards the roof of the house and we’ve been hearing noices in that part of the house at night, and we suspect they’re possums. I thought the branches were making it easy for these possums to getonto the roof.  So I had the big branch lopped off and we had to leave a big section of it in the front lawn towards one side.

We got a video from Video Ezy later that night and I gave the Little Black Jedi a bath but other than that I really couldnt remember what else we did. Just as it was a bit of a blur for me last night – not sure what I did, other than speaking to Kiddo over Skype.  We went to church of course, and after that we had lunch with Auntie Hooi and Uncle Marloney, after which we went and got some grocery, got home and cooked some food for the week’s lunches and dinners. We took the Little Black Jedi for a long walk later that evening and other than these things I really couldn’t remember what else we did.

I dont know if that is why we need written reports… sigh

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The deed is done?


There are things one does in life, which while on the one hand will likely cause regret yet on the other hand, are things that had to be done and probably should have been done a long time ago.

Everyone has friends they try to appease and who always appear to have one gripe or the other. Sometimes this gripe is about you being less of a friend than was expected. Never mind what the basis of that expectation is.

After many years, I sort of did that act which will on the one hand likely cause regret on my part yet on the other, was probably the sort of thing I should have done a long time ago.

I said to a friend – a very good one, at least up till that point when I did what I did – that it was time this friend looked at things from others’ perspective. It wasn’t something I wanted to say. I said it in response to what was done in a very public manner, very unfairly I thought.

It has sent me into this very melancholic mood

Lake Burley Griffin becomes a friend.


I had the alarm set for 5am on Sat morning but Tress was up at 4.30. I decided to get up a few minutes later and just before 6am, we were in the car and started the trek up again. We only made a couple of stops for toilet and coffee and by 1pm we were at Burton and Garran Hall again. It was great to see Kiddo again.

We unloaded the stuff we brought up with us, and then Kiddo jumped in the car and we took the much shorter drive across town to Campbell to our B&B (sort of). After lunching at a Korean joint at the Civic we went to the shops for a bit before going to Weston Park at the Lake Burley Griffin, for a walk/jog. The little black jedi had a whale of a time as we let him run around off lead for a while. The late afternoon scene lakeside was really nice and it was just great for the 3 of us (plus the little pooch) to be there together. The lake is huge and to get to know this place takes quite an effort.

That night we went to the Civic again, and looked for a place for dinner. We settled on “The London Burger and Beers”, a place bustling with young people. The burgers were gorgeous, as were the salads. We were to return the following night as well – another discovery of a nice eatery in Canberra. Later that Saturday night we drove to the Old Parliament House which had an architectural projection type of show on, and the building was opened as well for touring so we walked around and outside the building and it was really late by the time we got home.

On Sunday we went to the Old Bus Depot, went to the Fyshwick food markets for lunch and then went back to the Lake, this time to walk around the Carillon and also took a ride around that area on a paddle bike which took all 3 of us (and Scruff). The bike was christened “John”, a reference to John Howard. All of the bikes were named after past Prime Mnisters of Australia and we saw “Billy”, “Paul” and “Malcolm” go past us. As far as past Prime Ministers go, I cant wait for a “Julia” to appear. The Lake has truly become something more familiar. It is very large and I guess it will take loads of effort to know it really well.

We went to the Crossroads church on campus (at the Manning Clark Lecture Theatre) on Sunday evening, then went back to the London for a late dinner. We again drove around to catch more light projections on buildings and went to the National Gallery.

On Monday morning we spent some time in Kiddo’s dorm room, with some housekeeping stuff and then went to the “Scholar” – a Chinese restaurant for Yum Cha. It was pricey but the food was very good – another discovery of a good place in Canberra.

We left Canberra close to 3pm, and got back to Melbourne just after 9 – a record time for us. I guess we have become accustomed to the drive.

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The Crossroads church was very impressive, content wise. All of the songs were unfamiliar to us but they all had strong emphasis on Christ, the cross, the Gospel message and such themes. There were very little material on power for us, our needs, how much he means to us… in other words, the worship was all about God, not about me or us. What a refreshing change.

The message (“The King’s Speech” – Matthew 5 & 6) was also Kingdom centred and focused on what it really means to be godly and not just religious – again it was all about taking the focus away from us and turning to God.

It was a refreshing change, again.

So often, our church life is centered on ourselves – what the church can (or even ought) to do for us. If a church somehow misses the mark in terms of addressing our daily needs, we turn our backs and maybe even become bitter. I guess when we have needs which appear to be overwhelming and no one seems to care it would appear that we have a legitimate expectation that the church ought to do something. Maybe to a large extent the church ought to, and perhaps the local church ought to take its eyes off lofty notions like discipleship and mission and tend to the daily needs of its flocks. To some church goers, that would be a reasonable ask. Can we discuss discipleship without caring for members’ needs? I dont know.

I’m not sure I know how to deal with needs of church friends and “quasi church” friends. Especially needs of Christians who have been Christians for a long time. Life in Australia is often busy with cares of everyday living. One wakes up and goes to work, comes home and potters around the house with 101 things to do, leaving the “big jobs” for weekends. Many take up further courses of studies like yours truly and whatever free time in the evenings is taken up by work on these studies. Weekends see us catching up with more everyday living stuff – grocery shopping, house cleaning and other such or related chores. Then we have a little bit of time to catch up with friends and be socially alive. Often this means dinners on Sat nights or lunch on Sunday arvo. Either event means more time needed to plan, shop, prepare,  clean etc. Often this has to be rotated around so that different friends of different family members get time spent on them and we maintain our social networks that way, no matter how pained or little “value-add” in terms of strengthening these relationships.

One cant be doing that on every weekend either as some weekends are taken up with other stuff which invariably crop up – school events, weddings and birthdays, farewells, or even spending a Sat night at home catching up with work or with each other at home.

So the best one can do is maybe spend a bit of time, every few weeks, with some friends. I dont know if that is enough. I dont know if it is reasonable to expect more. It does become a bit of a pain when one has to work all these out, just to be satisfied that we’re ok. I would have thought it is a no brainer but apparently not.  Maybe we are meant to give up our everyday living demands, so that others can have their needs met. Maybe the answer lies in foregoing everything just so your friends are kept happy. I have to work that out further. Maybe keeping some friends happy requires a bit of effort. Much like getting to know Lake Burley Griffiin well.

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State close to recession | theage.com.au


http://bit.ly/wbhJgB

With news like this, I wonder if the filip I seek will remain a distant dream.

Calm and Storm


I managed 14+ km today… alas it was on the stationary bike, not treadmill. Mr G was still affecting the big toe so this morning I hopped on the bike instead. Plus I continue to feel flat and just listless. There’s a sinking feeling that somehow I have to pull myself up and deal with all of this, by myself.

Such is being a Christian. On the one hand you know God’s there and He’ll help you and whatever happens, will only happen with His sign off. So you try and pull together and go through whatever. On the other hand, I cant help but wish, quite often, than somehow there’d be some special dispensation of sorts and He’ll give me that special lift, out of nowhere.

I am reminded of past experiences where I appear to be going through a little storm, only to have Jesus sleeping in a corner on the boat. He appears to be sending a message of sorts – that I should trust him to get up and calm the storm and prevent any real harm or danger to befall me or anyone in that boat, instead of complaining that he doesn’t appear to take any action even as we face the storms.

To be fair, it isn’t quite a “stormy weather” situation for me. I just need a fillip and my take is I need to get out of my present role to have any chance of that happening and yet I need the security of my present situation, somehow. I don’t know. Maybe I am just making something out of nothing.

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Gout Treat


I woke up at 4 this morning with a sore toe. Instinctively and probably still sleeping, I trudged to the kitchen to look for the Arcoxia tablets. There were none in the pantry but again instinctively I got out into the car and got a strip of that lifesaver tablets and took one.

When the alarm went off at 5.30 the pain was still there so I decided to give the gym a miss. There goes my planned 8km. I slept in, and when Tress got up and got ready for work, I decided to take the day off sick. The soreness hasnt gone away.

So here I am, waiting for the doctor’s clinic to open so I could go and get a scrip for Arcoxia top-up’s. I need that pain to be totally managed before this weekend, when Tress and I go up to Canberra again. I dont want anything to mess that up.

I have also made up my mind to leave my present role. Preferably however, I want to find a legal or quasi legal role first, before I do. Staying in this role has so tainted my views of ministry and people in it, that I need to get out before my relationship with these people become badly affected.

I was just checking my emails and saw an invoice coming in. He is a retired professional and helping the office manage an IT database upgrade project. If I was in his shoes, I would have done it voluntarily, no questions asked, no second thoughts. Another retiree was to do some “deputation” or representative work in the country. Again at costs to the organisation. It isnt paid work but expenses fully reimbursed. I can only wonder what a week or two driving in the country can chalk up in terms of costs.

Maybe I need to revisit my concept of serving. After all mine is also a paid role, not voluntary. Although I minimise costs by foregoing a lot of entitlements a full time paid staff would have, and have hardly lodged any claims, always thinking this organisation need to minimise its costs. My boss does that too but a lot of other people dont. Almost nothing is done on a volunteer basis without pay or reimbursement.

I dont know, maybe I just need to have a good think about what I am doing, where I am now, what I want to spend my time on, etc. I know I am just not fulfilled. At all. Having told myself to go easy on food and having unsubscribed from stuff like Foxtel, I come home each day just looking forward to taking the little black jedi to the park and let him frolic with other pooches. When the park is used for cricket or footy training like it has been, I get a bit lost and the walking around the blocks thing becomes a disappointment. I’d come home after say 45 minutes and plonk myself in front of the tele for a bit, simplt deplete of anything enjoyable or fulfillng. I’d feel the day had gone by with God knows what achievement or accomplishment. There isnt even the simple satisfaction of having done some work I’d consider fulfilling.

Maybe that’s why I’m sort of happy to just stay at home today, away from the office. Sore tore notwithstanding.

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More “running” from Malaysia, and my (closer to “proper”) run…


It rained all day on Saturday. I was a bit restless as a result, itching to go out into the gardens to organise the pruning which has accumulated in a couple of corners in the backyard. The council’s “hard rubbish” week was to start today and I had wanted to clear my backyard off those pruning.

After our usual coffee at the Coffee Club at the Chase, we rang a new migrant couple and invited them to dinner. They were probably too polite or maybe they didn’t want to miss out on an evening of time with the kids (they have 3 young ones) so they suggested afternoon tea instead. It was a novel idea – albeit an very English and therefore old one – but as the idea was to get to know them and see if we can be their friends, we agreed and set it for 3.30. We then checked with Jason and Mel to make sure our suspicion that they would give this a miss was ok. We had asked them the previous night when they were at our home for the first cell meeting of the year, but we thought it was going to be dinner. Our dear friends spend Saturday afternoons swimming and/or playing badminton so dinner was going to suit better. The previous Sat had been taken up with another do at our mate’s home so two Saturdays in a row was always going to be tricky. So it was just Tress and I and the new family.

So we had “tea” on Saturday arvo. The family was lovely. They’re both IT professionals – very highly successful ones with large MNCs, but remained very pleasant and courteous. Their kids were a joy to be with. Extremely courteous, curious and obviously intelligent, they were very warm too, to boot. They would be such wonderful additions to the local community. They have been here only a few weeks, but they are one of probably half a dozen or so families we have met in the last 6 months or so, who have chosen to leave Malaysia. The trend is a continuing one and appears to be escalating. All Australia’s gain and Malaysia’s loss for sure, but I dont think those idiots who pretend to run the country care very much at all. Someone told me Idris Jala, a Malaysian government minister, recently went back on his views that Malaysia faced bankruptcy unless fuel subsidies were removed. No one in Malaysia thought this reversal had anything to do with any notion of an improving economy, and more to do with another minister who either did not know what he was talking about or one who lacked courage to defy his band of thieving and lying manipulators.

Anyway, this family appears to have settled in well and quickly and will no doubt contribute to Australia more positively and will be appreciated here more than they were in Malaysia. At least their kids can attend university courses of their choice and which they qualify for strictly on merit, instead of seeing buffoons take up places they dont deserve, in hopelessly narcissistic universities anyway.

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Yesterday in church someone asked me if I can recommend his grandson a job. He just finished his law course in a local uni and is probably having a testing time looking for work or deciding on the next step. I mentioned to his parents before, about roles in the State Revenue office but I’m not sure if he’s into that sort of stuff. Like I always suspected, if you finish law school without ever securing a summer clerkship at anytime or locking up an article clerkship, you’re in for a rough and yet very ordinary careeer. That is not a bad thing as lawyers who work their entire lifetime in suburban practice can do well and be happy but it does tamper with a young man’s often rose tinted view of a law career.

Having said that, I’m still struggling with what to do myself. Increasingly, spending time in my present role is just that – spending time. It is still underwhelming, uninspiring and I often go home with a flat feeling not from exhaustion but from being flat all day with little push or excitement. How one needs to be happy with one’s work.

So I’m hoping to make up for all that flatness by running a little bit more. I have previously resorted to food to do that for me – to provide something to look forward to each day – which has been a bit of a problem. Last week I clocked a 32km total, which is something I had not done for months and months. To run 8km a day again, for 4 days a week, feels a little better. It was laboured and it took a lot longer than it used to, but at least the run was clocked up.

This morning I did a 9.6km, albeit still at a slow time of just over an hour. I wonder if those 11km-12km an hour days are well and truly over. At least it made me feel a little better.

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Friday … Will Sunday Come?


I once heard Tony Campolo preach a sermon titled “Friday’s here but Sunday’s Coming”. It’s supposed to be an uplifting thing, so that those affected by the sufferings of Christ and the eventual crucifixion on Friday, may look forward to the hope of Easter on Sunday.

Well I’ve had my “Fridays” for a while now. Not in the sense that there has been suffering or anything like that. Just an overall sense of being really underwhelmed and deflated. I need Sunday to arrive, and soon.

Rubbish Man … and Simplicity again


I was griping to Tress last night, about the behaviour of some of the tenants in my building. They’re all mission organisations so I expected a higher standard of behaviour but in some aspects, it is worse than a secular set up.

Part of my routine is pushing out the bins of the building, on rubbish collection days. On alternate weeks these include the recycling bins. The way tenants deal with rubbish and the way it is disposed, leave much to be desired. It just makes an unpleasant job even harder and more of a pain than it should be.

Bins - MIne, all mine!

Such is the humbling nature of my work now. I wheel out up to five bins on Tuesday evenings before I leave the office and wheel them in again the next morning. Every time I do this I wonder what the Lord is doing to me through this exercise. I’m sure it can only be for the better, but it is just that I then get tagged as the guy who does the bins (amongst a myriad of other little stuff) and when someone has shredded paper or such other stuff to throw they would ask me if the bins are full, if they are in or out etc. I mean, why cant they just think and have a look for themselves? It is one thing to be the guy who wheels out the bins (relatively harmless thing) but it is quite another to be the guy people think of when they have rubbish to dispose!

I guess when I stressed simplicity, I get whacked with the extreme experience of being a simple person!

Speaking of simplicity, my boss is in the process of replacing his laptop computer. His is a HP – an almost 5 year old one. We’ve been looking at laptops in recent weeks and it is amazing how cheap they are these days. For under $1,000 you can get a pretty whiz bang machine, what with iCore 7 processors, 16GB chips blah blah blah. His wife uses a Mac (a personal one) so I thought he may want a Mac but he would have none of it. I guess he was just mindful that we’re a missions organisation with responsibility over other people’s hard earned money so we better be careful with how we spend it. Why blow more moolahs when you can go pretty far with relatively less?

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