I’ve had my first full weekend in Canberra since the move just less than a month ago. I had been returning to Melbourne the 3 weekends before. While it was restful physically, being away from home in Melbourne wasn’t restful in another sense. I was glad Jonathan and Ruth (with little Micah) visited Tress on Saturday. I guess it gave her something positive for the weekend to focus on/revolve around. Things have been happening at her workplace too. Resignations and redundancies have caused re-organisation of reporting lines. Her boss had resigned and she now reports to someone she had had to work a little bit on to get him across some work issues so it’s kind of awkward I guess. I think the overall sentiment of a retailer struggling and the specter of tight cash flow is just as big a dampener than anything else – maybe more so than anything else.

Alone here in Canberra, I filled the weekend with errands and activities, mainly of the housekeeping variety. Well, alone in the sense that Tress isn’t here, of course. There’s kiddo around which is a great compensating factor. In an odd sense that made me feel even worse for Tress. I’m sure she wishes she could be here with Kiddo and I.

I went for a run on Saturday morning, taking a leisurely route to the National Botanic Garden. I only went for the run around 9 am, as it was very cold again earlier in the morning. Then it was laundry and vacuuming and then I took a ride to Canberra Center –  partly as a continuing familiarization activity and partly to do some grocery shopping. Kiddo and I had arranged to meet later for lunch before she went for a movie with Micaiah so we met up at a dumpling house in Canberra Centre, just next to the Papparich restaurant. After lunch I went home, and after putting away the grocery, made myself a coffee and then sat down for an online test. This test is what prompted this particular journal entry…

It’s been a very mixed journey to date. Aussie Post had had a role brewing since February. My recruiter started talking to me about this potential role back then but things took some time and on the same day I was offered the Canberra role, he actually texted me to say they (AP) was finally ready to interview. I rang almost immediately and spoke to him and could only laugh at the irony of the timing but the logistics of moving to Canberra with this AP thing brewing away were very confusing in my mind. Waiting on the Lord brings interesting times but this messes with my idea of God’s leading in ways which only a positive attitude can deal with. The recruiter threw me the bird in hand line, an idea which I had already clung on to, being desperate to return to work. I hadn’t been working for nearly 3 months at that stage and I was going a bit nuts. So I actually met the AP lawyer (who would be my manager if I’m offered the role) the Friday (15/5) before I left for Canberra the following Monday (18/5) morning.

The second interview with that lawyer, another lawyer (who leads a different division) and a business GM happened earlier last week. It was via Skype which threw me off a little bit. Being interviewed at home wasn’t ideal – it didn’t put my mind in a right place. Also, the online test was a bit odd. I had forgotten to take my reading glasses home so struggled a little bit with my usual glasses, which while is a multi focal pair, aren’t the glasses I usually wear for work stuff. At the end of the test (just over 2 hours) I was exhausted, relieved and was a little confused.

I’m confused because I don’t know what to make of the whole thing.

Except for the fact that I’m away from home in Melbourne and more importantly, being away from Tress, I’m liking it here in Canberra. The work is interesting, colleagues are very nice, I have my own office and I work very reasonable hours. I get to work inside 10 minutes and return each night feeling “clean” because I didn’t have to trudge through crowded stations, platforms, trains and heavy traffic to get home so I have more time and mental space to enjoy the evening at home each night. Everything is within 10 minutes ride and the further places are within 10 minutes drive. Kiddo and I decided to get out yesterday arvo for some sun and fresh air and it took us all of 10 minutes to get to the Old Bus Depot at Kingston. All these are making Canberra quite pleasant.

Other than Tress, the things I miss are Scruff, the home garden, the bigger spaces at home in Melbourne, church, Madame Kwong and some friends there.

It is also confusing because I want to do the right thing by the NBA. They incurred time and money to get me here and the understanding is I’d stay a year (contract duration). I had a chat/catch up with Jason before I left and he very helpfully (being in Public Service himself) assured me people in the Public Service come and go all the time and often new starters leave after a very short while. Apparently should I leave after only a very short while, it’d be a common scenario – something people in the Public Service see and do all the time. This was very helpful to know but it still bugs me should I be offered a role and decide to accept it. This is all assuming I’d be offered a role. That is by no means a given. I guess if I wasn’t offered the role I’d be happy to stay on in Canberra but then again the hope of being able to go home and be with Tress again has to be put on hold.

With all this in mind, after the test I went for another ride around the area. Kiddo, Micaiah and I later watched “Downfall” (again)…

On Sunday I went to Crossroads church in Braddon (only a few minutes ride away). Marcus Reeves preached on Colossians  2 (cleverly/cheekily titled the Supplements Scandal) and I met a family who were also straddling Canberra/another city (Sydney/Coffs Harbour). I guess my experience of getting in and out of Canberra is a common one, shared by many in Canberra. Mostly, people come to live in Canberra entirely for work related reasons and leave their lives in other cities on very temporary basis, picking up fragments of home whenever they return.

I rode to Canberra Centre again after church, then went home, did some ironing, cooked lunch and then watched the first half of the Collingwood v GWS game before going out to Kingston with Kiddo. When we returned, I went out for a walk around Haigh Park, headed towards Black Mountain, and returned after about an hour when it had just turned dark. After fixing my brekky and lunch for the next day, I settled down to watch some telly (MasterChef) and exchanged FB messages with Tress. Watching live footy at the G and being with Tress would be great but walks around Haigh Park and rides around the CBD are also very pleasant.

The other thing about Canberra is its roundabouts. They’re large and it takes longer before one gets out of a roundabout.

This one would take a while before it becomes clear which exit I take to get out of a roundabout and which direction I’d be headed for.

It was the kangaroos in the morning and cockies ducks and pelicans in the arvo.

I took a walk during lunch and wandered to the Lyneham Dickson Wetlands with a very pleasant surprise. It was to say the least, quite different to the Lonsdale St/Exhibition St/Russell Sr/Bourke St walks during my Superpartners days.  I can get used to this – provided it isnt too cold…

One can see the telecoms tower on Black Mountain from the wetlands park…

I braved the cold this morning (0 – or 1 – degree) and went for a run and was rewarded with the sight of four kangaroos in the area just behind the Burton and Garran Hall. They hopped across the road towards Black Mountain as I approached. Magical.

Life certainly dishes out interesting twists and turns. I now write this out of an apartment I share with Kiddo in Canberra. I have taken up a job in Canberra, with the National Blood Authority. I started last week and have been making acquaintance with the Hume Highway and the A25 (Barton Highway).

I came up last Monday, started work on Wed, and went back to Melbourne last Friday night to spend a truncated weekend with Tress. I left Melbourne on Sunday just after lunch at Madam K’s with Tress and arrived back at the apartment in Canberra just on 7.30.

I’m now in the apartment, having finished a day’s interesting work at the NBA. Kiddo’s cooking dinner at this moment, for her study group friends. As the smell of dinner waft through the apartment and conversations weave their way through the aroma of a spicy pumpkin soup, I wonder what else life’s interesting twists and turns will unveil.

I long to get on skype with Tress soon, with the internet up and running at the apartment as of about 2 hours ago…

It has been a couple of months now since I stopped working. I continue with my post Superpartners routine of gym/State library/whatever. It is becoming very jaded. I recall the later Rev Barbara Darling’s sermon in church shortly before she retired and then passed away, saying how the journey for her has been one of constantly being surprised by God. In many stages of her life, events unfolded which revealed how God’s plans for her were always interesting.

I guess on good days, I sort of think that way and then check myself in to God’s waiting lounge and see if He calls for me, if He directs me this way or that. Waiting on God, to be surprised by Him and to see what His plans turn out to be can be encouraging. But it can also drive one up the wall. There are days I dread going home after leaving the library, because it would only be mid-day and I’d be staring into blank spaces at home for the next few hours, wondering what I’d do with the rest of my life. I’m hopeless when not working. Thankfully the little black ball of goodness distracts me from concentrating at blank spaces – he nudges me, sit in front of me, begs to go out, sticks his paws out to me, sometimes licking my face, and generally being a lovely pesky pet. I’d forget why I was so miserable not working, even if only momentarily.

All I want – what I seek now – is to know what I’d do in my coming days. I need to hear from Him. Alas, forget about earthquake or fire. I cant even dream of hearing that still small voice. It almost never sound. And yet, like Lewis said, my choice is still to upset Wormwood and threaten his cause.

Feels that way

It’s Day 4 since I started coming to the State Library. I have a new routine now. I get into the gym by about 7am, leave between 9.30 and 9.40am, head into the State Library and stay here till maybe noon. Once I get myself a PC, I check emails, job searched and then check out some news.

My routing only covers am. Pm is uncharted territory for now. Yesterday I headed to the Whitehorse library, job searched some more and got a few DVD’s. Actually the only regular activity for pm is to give the furry black ball a good long walk. I think he enjoys it…

In the bank sits a deposit from my employer, representing the equivalent of 5 months’ pay. It feels empty though. It isn’t how much is in the bank, as much as what is being generated. Presently it is zero. The expenses however, keep running. I try to minimise it but one has to live.

I guess the plan needs some adherence. The plan to keep searching for a few more weeks before looking at other sorts of roles.

Try as I do, I can’t get it out of my head.

Nearly 48 hours since I got the call.

Nearly 24 hours since I left a voicemail seeking updates.

Do I cling on to this strand ….. It doesn’t – never – get easier.

It couldn’t have been a more ordinary weekend. It couldn’t have been a better weekend, in terms of sheer relaxation.

We watched a movie over itunes on Friday night. “A Hundred Foot Journey” is a light, warm hearted tale of an Indian family who moved to Europe following a riot of sorts in India which took the life of the wife/mother, who had been guiding her son in his budding culinary skills.

We slept in on Sat morning, then went to check out a café on Jolimont Road and had a very good breakfast there. Then it was home for several hours of gardening and bathing LBJ. The work was all done by about 2.30pm then it was some grocery shopping and then off to Alex’s for dinner. There was no one else at the dinner, which was a bit unusual but it also gave us an opportunity to talk and catch up, which was really good. Equally good was a very delectable Japanese whisky, which between the 2 of us we nearly finished.

On Sunday after church we went to Madam Kwong’s and then it was home, where we just idled away a couple of hours. Some ironing, a bit more shopping for the week’s breakfast smoothies, walking LBJ on a sunny cool arvo… it was all so relaxing.

And yet constantly the thoughts are around the impending redundancy and the outcome of that job interview last week both of which would impact a decision to visit mum in Malaysia and catch up a long overdue catch up with Mei and her kids. Yue Jie would probably be about 6 now – we haven’t seen that boy for nearly 5 years.

This morning the team again talked about whether this would be the final week for us, and the futility of weekly group meetings. All I want to do now is book a couple of tickets for Tress and I to go visit Malaysia, and spend time with my mum, my sisters and their kids and the rest of the family. I can/want to do that only with a bit more certainty of the future.

On Sunday Ginny the pastor’s wife, said she had this picture of someone with a big grey in front. I thought that is kind of like me. A bit more certainty would be good but I guess the best certainty is knowing we have a God who cares.