On the morning of Tuesday 15/4, as Tress and I returned from walking the little guy and settled onto our desks to start the day, we received a message from Ben, Tress’ brother. Dad has gone. We couldn’t believe what we read, as we (Tress) had been exchanging messages with him over the weekend, and there was nothing to suggest anything was wrong. He was healthy, he was his normal self.

He went to bed the night before, woke for a little while a bit after 2am, went back to bed, and went to be with the Lord. He never woke again on this earth, and did not say goodbye to anyone, including his wife. For that, she had a lot to process.

Tress frantically searched for flights and we grabbed what looked like the earliest flights out. We dropped the little guy off at Kiddo and Mic’s, and a bit after 4pm, we were in a taxi to the airport. Kiddo and Mic were meant to be in Sydney over the Easter weekend but had been wrestling with logistics and they graciously agreed to take the little fellow and skipped Sydney. We flew out of Canberra late that same arvo, into Melbourne. Just before midnight, we flew out of Melbourne to get to KL.

We arrived early the next morning. We got into the house just before 8am, and Tress’ mum was distressed. She said he was cruel to her for not having said goodbye. We just let her vent. We did not say anything. Tress stood next to him as he lied in state, mum weeping next to her. I stood behind them both as I looked at him, one of the kindest, most soft spoken man I had ever known. Later that day, I said to her brothers (Ben and Victor) and mum, that Dad only ever “raised” his voice with me once. It was soon after our wedding, and for the first time in years, after calling him “Uncle” for so long. I struggled to call him Dad and he was not happy. He chided me for not calling him Dad with conviction. I deserved it. It was the only time he had ever expressed any sort of impatience or displeasure of any sort with me. I also rarely saw him being anything other than mild mannered, with anyone else. He was the gentlest man.

The wake service that night was packed and it rained heavily towards the end. So, the crowd remained and we caught up with a host of folks.

The next day, we gave him the final send-off. He was laid to rest, not far from where my own Dad rested.

For the next several days, we helped mum with numerous administrative matters. We went to banks, insurance companies and various other establishments to sort out what needed sorting out. We also had the family lawyer come to the house to walk through his Will and probate application process. The family thought we should extend our stay and tried as we did, we could not find flights back that were later than our scheduled ones. It was the Easter/Anzac Day long weekend cum school holidays and folks were probably returning after being away. So we returned per schedule, and came back late last week.

I still see him in my mind, whenever I thought about our trip back. I see him in his shop office at Jalan Taiping, I see him in the dining room at home. I see him on the bar stool in the lounge, and I see him in the kitchen table. I can only imagine how much more Tress and his siblings miss him.

Today’s Kiddo’s birthday. A few days ago, while sitting in her lounge room, I said to her I could not believe she’s in her thirties now. That sounds incredible. It feels like it was just yesterday, when she was being this adorable little toddler running around gnawing at her bread. She was just 10 when we moved to Melbourne, and my early memories were of us two walking to her school, the Mount Waverley North Primary School. We went there on some weekends too, to walk and muck around in the school compound. Then she was in high school and before long, we were with her at the entrance exam event at the Exhibition Building at Carlton Gardens, to earn her spot in MacRob’s in the city, for her later years in high school. After highlights that included history tours to Europe and waking up early to a text message of her high school (ATAR) score, she left home and came to ANU.

She’s been in Canberra ever since. She’s made her life here. Her beau is a wonderful husband and father, and she, a wonderful mum. Their two little girls are the centre of our lives at this point in time.

Yesterday, Tress and I spent the early part of the arvo at the Parrys’. Jayan is the minister at Southside Bible Church (SBC). We’ve been spending Sunday arvos listening to him in recent weeks, “jumping through hoops” to become part of SBC. When we were told there were to be 5 chapters of material in a “Connect Course” before one becomes a member (a “Partner” in SBCLand), I baulked. For a day or so, I said, to Tress and Kiddo and her beau, we might just show up at SBC without ever becoming a member. Then Kiddo gave me a spiel about how it might not be a bad thing to jump through those hoops. I listened, and then asked the Lord to lead. He said to just chill. Submissiveness was the word that jumped out soon after. I had baulked mainly for personal reasons – yes, pride – thinking why is an old guy who has been a church going Christian for more than 45 years, being made to attend numerous mind numbing classes to become a member of a suburban outfit. That pride, along with all the other humble pies I had been swallowing in recent times, had to be addressed. Has to be addressed. Kenosis came to mind. “It isn’t about me”, is a mantra to be rinsed and repeated.

So, 4 weeks and piles of paper later (along with several good lunches), the hoops are behind us. Tress and I are glad we did it. I say that now, yes. Well, it’s done and yesterday arvo, as we sat in our own lounge after walking the little fellow, I opened the app on my phone and submitted the “paperwork” to become a member. An “interview” beckons. Yes, another hoop. Getting to or through SBC Land is like getting to a Succoth enroute to the River Jordan.

The interview may bring up the egalitarian versus complementarian issue that came up (very briefly) during one of those sessions with Jayan. It may not. Tim Keller and N T Wright had those polar views on that issue. I listened to and read both, so I had parked my own conclusions and that was what I said in “class”. Jayan may or may not have passed that on to his team members who make up the interviewer pool. Yes, it’s unlike any community I have ever been part of. It almost feels like they needed to be on overdrive for everything they do. I thought, on numerous occasions, that it felt like a lack of self confidence so compensatory steps were thought necessary. I don’t know. We’ll see.

In the mean time, I’m just contented to be here, with Kiddo again. And her family. It’s her birthday today. It has been quite a ride. For her mostly I’m sure, but for me too, and I guess for Tress too. A ride I’d jump on again and again.