I wonder what went through my late father’s mind on this day back in 1991. He was at the premises of the High Court of Malaya in Kuala Lumpur where I was being admitted to the Malaysian Bar. I wonder if he knew what was going through my mind and I don’t remember if I concerned myself with what was going through his mind on that day. I do now, today, all these years later.
I was a selfish young(er) man then. Much more than I am today. The selfish bit, especially, not just the youth bit. I should have thought more about what my parents’ states of minds were, much more than how much I was thinking about myself. Sure, I was broke, annoyed, in a hurry and generally just wanted to move on ahead. I did not like the immediate prospects that my parents presented me – they too, were broke and I believe, unhappy.
I was driving an early 70s Ford Escort that didn’t have air conditioning. I had bought myself a cheap suit for the occasion at the High Court. I was wearing brand new Bata shoes that cost, probably, around RM20. That was the last of my ringgit horde, having also spent a chunk on the robe and other expenses that accompanied the High Court event. I was then also too broke to attend the tea ceremony of a younger cousin’s wedding – I could not spare the “red packet” that would have been an obligatory presentation of an elder person, had I attended the ceremony. This cousin’s son will be married in January and Tress and I will be attending the wedding. I will remember what happened in late 1991, for a very long time. I would remain poor for the next year or so, for a number of reasons…
With all that, I guess I had good reasons to not be thinking about what my parents were thinking about, on 20 December 1991. Had I ignored those “reasons”, I might have found some soothing comforts that would continue to salve me today. Who knows. I wish I thought about them more.
Ante 