Honesty and candour mark a mature relationship. I’m grateful for at least a couple of relationships where these characteristics have become apparent. There is however, an older relationship which I find it difficult test if it has lost that level of maturity.
On Saturday morning, we woke up at our usual 7-nish time. It was a bit of a waste because Melbourne was true to form and turned the time of year on its head. One week out before summer, the temperature dipped to single digit the night before and stayed that way for most of the day. It rained heavily too.
After getting my hazelnut coffee beans ground and percolated and pouring in a whipped steamy hot soy milk, I settled down to a leisurely quiet time. When that was done I started on some Board minutes for the church board. Closer to 8, I went to my barber. I didn’t want to waste time on a day with so much to do so I thought I’d get in just as he was opening and avoid any waiting.
After the haircut I stopped at the dry cleaners before going home to finish up the minutes and getting them printed. Tress had helped with the final edits and we both then drove to Box Hill to pick up my new pair of glasses.
I couldn’t put it off any longer and had to own up to my need for bifocals. Thankfully, technology has long erased the embarrassment that comes with obvious bifocals and multifocal lenses mean this phase of one’s ageing process is better hidden. We picked up my glasses, went back home and picked kiddo up and headed to Mulgrave.
A former partner of the Malaysian law firm I was in was in town for a short holiday. We had teed up a brunch to catch up. They (he and his wife) were living in Mulgrave, just a stone throw from the Hawks’ home. We caught up and talked about current Malaysian issues, including of course, the state and practice of law. Unexpectedly, the yum-cha at the New Royal Garden was a little disappointing this time around. The warmer and more cheerful service which was in abundance when we went there for dinner recently was manifestly absent.
After brunch we dropped my former partner off at the Glen where he was to meet someone. We wandered around for a bit and I then dropped Tress and Kiddo at the Century Walk. Tress and won a couple of movie tickets at work and they decided how Jimmy was going to find a quantum of solace. Apparently he is now closer to Bourne than Bond. I however, had to head off for the Board.
So while Tress and Kiddo toughed it out in the cinema, I attended a Board meeting in church. That went on till just after 4pm. Just as I was driving out of the church parking lot Tress sent me a text message. I called and said to meet at the bottle shop on the pretext that I needed to pick up a bottle for the pizza dinner at Simon and Margaret’s later that night.
We got home just after 5pm and I caught about half an hour of the Test match with our antipodeans neighbours. It has been a disaster of a match from the batting perspective. The 4 innings had a high score of 254 and NZ couldn’t get past 200 in both its innings. M Clark and Katich top scored in respective innings but relative newcomer speedster Johnson won MOTM. It wasn’t a memorable match by any means however so when it was time to head off for the final matter of the day, I was not unhappy to go.
Simon and Margaret live near Chadstone and many have raged on about the pizza joint just up the road from their home. We’d talked about it for a few months now and the previous Sunday, Simon said he was going to plan something. The email came late on in the week but we were more than happy to accept. I brought along a bottle (Pitchfork 2005 cab merlot, I think) and Tress also brought a little prezzie for Margaret – a baking dish Margaret had talked about buying some time ago.
The pizzas were great, as were the soup (pumpkin), salad and desert (poached pear with strawberry sauce and Venetian ice-cream. The best bit however, was the conversations which took place. The Chews were there and among the 3 couples, we talked well into the night, leaving close to 12.30am.
We had a break-up lunch, again at New Royal Garden the next day. The friend from Kew again drove and so we had to drive him home after. When we left his home it was just before 4 so we had to head back to Burwood in a hurry, to pick up my dry cleaning. At lunch, Tress had taken a call to go over to another home for dinner, so after the dry cleaner’s we headed off to pick up some groceries to cook something.
So between reaching home at about 5pm and leaving again at 6.45pm, I cooked a couple of dishes, made the chicken for lunch the next day and basically put off the idea that the weekend was for some rest. I was using up the last few hours of a weekend cooking for a dinner I didn’t feel like going to.
At dinner however, we talked and in as much as I had been reluctant to be there, these were good mates of ours so I enjoyed the conversations. They, like the ones the night before, were honest, open, and were driven by our desire for everyone else to get on better with their respective lives.
Each of those conversations which took place on Saturday and Sunday nights emanated from someone who have been wrestling with some issues. We all knew of those issues and although we (Tress and I) didn’t always have the details, we always knew that the main characters have been carrying those matters on their weary shoulders for a long time. We freely dispensed our views for we were with good friends but we also shared their weights and have been wanting to do various things to help them alleviate the burdens. The candour, honesty and sincerity made for a very fulfilling exchange and though of course we didn’t solve anything, I sincerely hope the sessions provided the affected persons with an outlet which hopefully facilitated a fresh and renewed charge to deal with those matters.
On the other hand, I feel I wasn’t able to engage my mate from my previous firm on the same level. We have not worked together or for almost 5 years now. I have also had minimal contact with him the past 2-3 years, so it was only natural I guess, that we couldn’t connect the same way. I hope however, that he does okay. He looked tired (don’t all working lawyers, huh?). Work no doubt places a lot of weight on one’s mind. On the other hand, not having a vocation or any work to wake up to places a different sort of stress on a person. Seeking the sweet spot of balance is a perpetual endeavour.
A mate of mine is financially very well off. He has amassed a little fortune from Malaysia and has little or no need to do any work. Yet, every time we see him he doesn’t look fulfilled. He looks a little restless even. Maybe it has to do with his constant complaints about someone in Malaysia who owes him a large sum of money. I think however that it is his sense of not having a vocation which has caused his restlessness. He appears to find it hard to settle on a peaceful equilibrium. Compare that with another friend of ours, who is not as well off. He and his wife both work hard, have 3 children who are at ages most damaging to parents’ kitty and have only settled on a purchasing a home recently. They appear however, to be more at peace and happier. I attribute to that to work. A man is meant to work. Someone who consistently doesn’t wake up to a pre-determined set of activities and tasks soon lose a certain personal bearing, which leads to all sorts of consequences.
Anyway, this piece is more about communications and relationships and how openness and maturity lead to such immense meaning and satisfaction.
Ante 