Not too long ago kiddo was watching the Simpsons’ movie and I joined her. I used to frown at her for watching too many episodes of the Simpsons because frankly, while I am no prude and Homer Simpson would much prefer beer and TV to sex, you’d have to say Homer Simpson is nevertheless not the sort of role model you’d want your kids to have too much exposure to. I am aware it is a cleverly written series and is usually maddeningly witty. James Brooks is a stalwart TV producer and churns out only the most consistently high quality stuff. Somehow, as clever and funny as the Simpsons series are, it didn’t strike me as the sort of TV I’d be comfortable letting kids watch too much of.
Maybe I am being prudish to a degree. I did laugh at many parts of the movie and I have been having less issues with kiddo watching the series since, especially as it comes on at 6pm on weekdays and I’m almost always still at work then.
You’d never think it possible but Homer does come up with the most profound statements at times. He probably doesn’t appreciate the fact of course (that he has said something profound) but his philosophy of life is just about spot on. I mean how can you fault a guy whose only flaw is an undying love for beer and doughnuts? Even if it rules everything else he does in life…
In the movie, he said something to the effect that all he’d ever wanted to do was to curl up at night beside Marg at the end of each day. On Sunday night it was a bit chilly (for a summer night – it was probably around 13-14 deg and we were still only wearing shorts) and as we curled up on the couch under a blanket, I thought H Simpson had nailed it again.
Even though I am enjoying my current role at work now a lot more than my previous two roles, you’d think surely there would still be niggling issues at times. Someone once said your first 3-6 months in a job are your honeymoon months – after that you’d have the ugly sides rained on you, warts and all. It’s a bit like the joke which made its rounds in cyberspace some time back, where Microsoft appeared like heaven in a recruitment drive but is really like hell once you accept their offer and go to work. Someone recently adapted it to apply to the BN government in Malaysia – during campaign period you’d think they are like heaven, but once elected they make your life hell.
Well my honeymoon period ended a long time ago but recently, more and more issues have come up at work. They are all purely work related and I am still enjoying my work but the increasingly long hours and the relentless surfacing of legal related matters (thus swamping us in the Legal department unceasingly) has made life more anxious and I have started worrying about stuff at work a lot more. Since I returned from our holidays in Malaysia I have not left work early (except when I had to pick kiddo up after her school camp) and the late nights and frequent weekend work have added up to make life at work a little less enjoyable.
This past weekend has been especially bad. Last Thursday and Friday saw the legal department caught in the middle of what’s akin to a mini turf war between a departmental head and some other senior management personnel and yours truly was smacked in the middle. It has caused me grief right through the weekend.
In the midst of this work stress, as I curled up next to Tress in front of the TV on Sunday night, suddenly H Simpson sounded like Khalil Gibran with his glorious words of wisdom. No matter how miserable I am or no matter how much turmoil there is around me, only I can take away the moments of love, warmth and enjoyment which I’m blessed with.
Earlier that day Tress suggested we drove into the city after church, to drop into Ikea at Richmond. We had talked about picking up the odds and ends of household items like spice jars, water tumblers, squeegees, etc as well as look for a larger dining table to host more meals for more people in our house. As we walked around the typically humongous shopping floors of Ikea, my mind was on work (of the office type as well as the mountain of clothes at home waiting for me to iron and the dry cleaning to be picked up) so I stayed very quiet. I then decided that as I was going to spend the couple of hours or so at Ikea with my wife and kid I should decide to spend it positively.
I started talking rubbish with the both of them, throwing flippant lines and generally behaving in a more glib way as we offered our respective views on the virtues of rectangular versus oblong dining tables and techniques of opening up extendable pieces. We enjoyed ourselves more I thought, and the drive home, though fraught with detours arising from a combination of road closures and unfamiliarity with detoured routes, was fun as I made a fool of myself while queuing behind lollipop men.
I made a choice to be happy with my family. I thought it helped. I suddenly remembered how miserable my brother, sisters and I were as children whenever our father was angry or miserable. I was reminded again of how much we can influence our family’s state of happiness by just being happy or miserable ourselves and often, whether we were happy or miserable can be a matter of choice.
On Sunday night I made another choice – to cherish that moment with Tress. We sat on the couch and watched “Sons and Daughter” (with Sally Field and Calista what’s her name – that Ally McBeal girl who broke up Harrison Ford’s hitherto strong marriage) with intermittent switching of channels to catch up with the cricket score between Australia and India (yes, they are STILL playing – this summer, as far as cricket goes, feels interminable). Right through, I was conscious of how blessed I am. It was a bit strange because the thoughts about issues at work were constantly present but I was able to be calm and relatively not unhappy at the same time, because I chose to. I think that was possible because firstly, things fell into a better perspective when I considered what my work means in eternity. My work includes taking care of family and that means doing what I can to make them happier. Knowing God will take care of both me and the family goes a long way to make that happen. And, I think the glass of wine helped too.
H Simpson must however take the greater share of credits. Like him, often what I want to do is to simply curl up next to my Marg at the end of each day. He said it without any pretension because it was true for him. Marg really did make things worthwhile for him and he actually loved her. My Forest Hill might as well be Springfield. Thankfully my Marg has a more acceptable hairdo. That aside, my Marg looks heaps better too. But all the same, thanks Homer. You’re a genius.
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Work really does define a man. Over the weekend I saw this clearly played out. The contrast between 2 families I know is really stark.
One is a close mate. His business in Malaysia is generating sufficient income to make work here unnecessary. All he needs to do is to periodically return to ensure various matters are properly attended to. While here however, his time is spent helping his wife take care of his young children, keeping the home in good condition and occasionally catching up with his mates. He still puts in a fair bit of work when he is looking after his young family and pottering around the (considerably large) house to keep it in a good state.
Such work however, is not work as we commonly understand it. It is certainly not work as he has understood it through his adult life in Malaysia. It is also not work as I understand it, unfortunately. That is of course inaccurate and work is whatever God places in our path to do. If it yields an income of any sort which puts food on the table, well and good and it accords with our common understanding of what work is all about. We have to however, come to an acceptance of work as something which God wants us to do, not what we think ought to be.
That can be a very difficult lesson especially if the world looks at us differently if we are not doing work as it expects us to.
This mate of mine has not looked his usual positive and jovial self. While I see his happiness and hear his glowing accounts of the time spent with his children, I also sense a subdued spirit – one that is facing a difficult time and is struggling to adapt. He does however, appear to be adapting so that was good to see.
The other family I know less well. The man found a job and has been working for about a couple of weeks now. I saw in him a man who is more at ease, more settled and less subdued. Because I know him less well, I cant have a mental comparison of what he used to be like, in Malaysia. All I see is someone who is more at ease with himself and his surroundings, compared to my mate. Work defines a man, I guess. If only man see work the same way I think God sees it.
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Ante 