The taxi showed up at my mom’s place at around 11.15am on 12 Dec. As I put my arms on my mother’s houlder, she welled up and I just asked her to take good care of herself. I gave Nicole and Issac a kiss each, hugged my sister Siok Sim, and once we got into the cab, I noticed Kiddo shedding some tears too. I found myself wrestling with extremely mixed emotions. On the one hand, I was glad I was returning to Melbourne, which is now our home and which is where Theresa is, and wherever she is, that is the place I want to be. On the other hand, I was leaving my mother, sister, brother, and their families – people who mean so much to me, especially in the present context. I had wanted to stay on with them, and let time heal whatever wounds that remain unhealed. I was also glad to think of Melbourne where I believed I would recover my health, which for the last 10 days or so had deteriorated a lot.

I had been feeling especially unwell the night before, after having dinner with Theresa’s parents in a restaurant. After dinner, Theresa’s mom took kiddo out shopping for some clothes and I waited at their home. I started to feel unwell than and began drinking glass after glass of water. They only returned around 10.30pm and though I was very grateful and appreciative of my wonderful in-laws’ demonstration of their affection and love to kiddo and I, I was starting to feel too ill to linger on and say anything. I hurried back to my mother’s knowing that all the extra shopping meant I had to repack the luggage, something Theresa usually did.

Arriving at my mother’s I saw my brother David and his wife Jean still there. After a while, I said my goodbyes to them, and reminded my brother of the documents I had tried to draw up to address the matter of my father’s shares in my grandfather’s company. They were to go to my uncle, Ai Meng, who was managing the company.

I still could not get the packing done as the light in the room where I had been sleeping, had gone off. For some reason, I also could not sleep and that meant when I finally got up around 6 the next morning, I was sore all over and I knew than I was coming down with something. I stayed in bed, hoping to catch some sleep to ward off the impending illness. After about an hour, I decided to get up and stretch a bit, to maybe work off the soreness. It proved a lot worse and I decided I needed to see a doctor. Siok Sim took me to Dr Ee, a Klang church member and he gave me a jab, after warning me against any previous history of gastric illness. The warning was to prove itself as while the aches and pains went away, the jab played havoc with my guts and by the time the cab reached KLIA, I had to immediately go to the toilet and from then on, the dehydrating purging process went unabated all the way to Singapore. Meanwhile, kiddo wanted some lunch and I dragged myself to the food area with her and persuaded myself I needed some food anyway, to take the medicine Dr Ee had prescribed.

When we landed in Singapore, I immediately looked for a rest area near the toilets. Kiddo wanted to maximise the 8-hour transit period by exploring the hi-tech Changi airport but thankfully, she has become a lot more street smart and could read maps well enough to navigate herself around the airport as I plonked myself, first in the Cyberplex area then in a rest area with long seats meant for sleeping, waking up only to take note of kiddo’s whereabouts and visits to the loo. By the time we boarded the flight a little after 11pm, I was a near zombie and as soon as I buckled down in my seat, I snoozed again.

We touched down in Melbourne a little after 9.30am and after going through customs, it was fantastic to see Theresa again, even though it was only 7 days or so since she left us in Klang. She looked and sounded excited to see us as much as we were to see her again, and chided us for not emailing her while at Changi. I told her I was a zombie then and hopefully, would start to wake up again now that we are back in Melbourne. After leaving the airport, we drove into the city, dropped Theresa off at her office, and headed for home. On arriving home, my body urged me to climb into bed but the sight of the 3-piece luggage cried out for attention as well. The latter prevailed and I unpacked, filled up the laundry and checked my phone messages and emails. By the time the laundry was done and I had showered and changed into fresh clothes, I was so washed up but the toilet visits had still not let up, so I still could not go to bed. It was almost 5pm then so I just decided to wait for Theresa. She called around 6.30pm and we went to pick her up, went for a quick bite at JG’s and came back home. I was ready to collapse. We pottered around the house a bit, kiddo went to bed around 8pm and a few people rang up but I didnt speak to any one of them, except a mate, but I only spoke to him briefly, being not totally switched on by then.

I know a number of readers of this blog whom I have not given attention to in the past 2 weeks or so. It was rude on my part and I apologise. My state of mind has been floating between vaious states and I hope my hurried engagements with those of you who suffered my rudeness would not be taken as anything more than a momentary lapse brought about by physical tiredness mainly, and emotional weariness. I had not put in more effort to tell you I treasure your friendship and knowing you has made life so much more meaningful. Yet I have not been able translate how I feel about you to action such as meeting up with you or talking with you on the telephone. I wish I could have. You know I do. I hope I have the opportunity to make amends, hopefully not too long from now.

I have just read the previous entry and realised that entry was made on 7 Dec, not 4 Dec. 4 Dec was when I started a draft. I hope to make more entries on what happened in the last 12 days or so. If these things depress you, try visiting only a month from now, by which time I hope the entries would become less sombre and brighter, unless of course you share the view that illumination in life is constituted by all types of experiences.