Last night our office hosted a party for the building – this is a suburban commercial building, not a CBD building, so it’s of a thoroughly manageable scale – and in preparation for this party, work came to a halt by about 2.30pm. We started doing the various things we have been assigned. Andre and I went to a bottle shop to pick up some light beers (picked up J. Boag’s Premium Light) and some ice. When we returned, I did a little bit of work after packing the ice and beers into the eskies, before Lynette (boss’ wife) asked me to follow her to pick up a few platters from Safeway’s at The Glen. This was almost 4pm so work was well and truly halted. At 5pm, David Sharrock (the Boss) opened a bottle of red – a Coonawarra blend of Cab/Shiraz – so we took off. It was almost 8pm when we left office, but because it gets dark now only at close to 9pm, we didn’t feel the lateness. What we felt was that the Christmas/Holiday mood has truly kicked in.
Today is kiddo’s last day at school. It is supposed to be a day of fun and excitement. She brought a stack of Christmas cards with her, a gift for her class teacher (Mrs Jan Mattingly) and her winter jumper (a special Year 6 version with names of all Year 6 kids embossed) for her friends to sign. She brought a special texter for that.
Against these very high spirits a little dampener worked its way up: A few days earlier, a classmate’s mother died. She had been ill for a long time. Emil Dubovsky is the class soccer wizard and a popular kid. He has a younger brother in Year 3. On graduation night last Monday (19/12/05) there was quiet acknowledgement of the tragedy when Emil’s name was called out.
Last night, kiddo brought back a letter from what appears to be a Year 3 representative. It was a collection notice – someone wanted to buy a hamper for Emil’s family. Kiddo wanted to give her weekly allowance for that but as usual, took our silent response to be what it was – unenthusiastic and, generally a “no”.
It was strictly, a non-response so this morning in the car she asked me again. I tried to explain to her like so: We cannot respond to unplanned and spontaneous calls for charity as the constant streams of requests, if responded to, would bankrupt us. Furthermore, there is nothing to suggest the Dubovsky family is a needy one. The collection is very likely nothing more than an initiative borne out of someone’s spur of the moment act of kindness, probably someone from Year 3 and very likely a parent who was close to one or the both of Emil’s parents.
This is difficult for us only because kiddo is such a softie at heart and her kind generosity invariably stirs her into wanton acts of charity. That is not necessarily a bad thing but our (Theresa and my) oriental overseas-Chinese tradition treats such unguarded reaction as highly imprudent with very real hair-depleting results.
Of course all those thoughts were in my mind but as always morning is a difficult time (especially before the second cup of coffee kicks in) to articulate all that. What came out of my mouth was instead: “Do you really want to give? You don’t have to you know.” I sensed immediately kiddo’s disappointment with that and after a short haggling session I gave her a small change from my key-holder pouch. It was a little $2 coin. She took that, left the car and shoved it into her pocket. I know she feels she is not doing as much as she wants to. She walked, with a slightly noticeable lack of spring in her steps, towards the school gate.
Again, where oh where, is the sweet spot of balance between teaching my child to exercise a generous and giving spirit and acting prudently and wisely with her resources? Was I wrong to restrain her as I did? It is after all, Christmas time and didn’t the party last night re-kindled any such giving spirits?
Ante 