There is a television program called “20 to 1”. It is the “top 20 whatever” of Australian television. Last night it was the top 20 most memorable television commercials. The countdown plodded on (actually it was quite entertaining) and we eventually came to the top Australian television commercial. It was a Qantas advertisement with a beautiful ballad for a theme song which ends with the words “I still call Australia home”. After hearing that line for a bout two million times, I turned to kiddo and asked her “do you?” She made a face and said “Malaysia”. She still considers Malaysia her home. I don’t know what to make of this. I don’t know if this means she would be happier there. She is a bubbly happy kid most of the time. Her name, in both the English (Elysia) and Chinese (Xin Yue) language, means happiness. I wanted her to be a happy person. She is. It makes me think very hard therefore when I get this feeling that she feels she would be happier in Malaysia. She didn’t actually say that. The question was whether she now calls Australia home. She doesn’t. To her Malaysia was still home. Maybe it is a timing thing. She did after all, spend almost 11 years in Malaysia and she has only been in Australia for less than 11 months. I guess it would not be an easy question to answer, if I asked her directly whether she would be happier here or in Malaysia.

I am still hoping, deep inside me, that Malaysia would change and change very quickly. I want it to be a more open, equitable and honest place. If it was I would return and not think of leaving again. It was after all, my home for most of my adult life. Apart from Theresa and kiddo, all of the other people I care about are all there. I miss them quite frequently. I miss my “home” church also. Klang Chinese Methodist Church had been a part of my life since the day I was born. I had been in that church longer than the senior pastor there! Maybe that was a problem, which I now see. The pride and the excessive comfort level were to some extent, stumbling blocks to growth and effective service. I want so much to call Malaysia my home again but right now my home is Australia