A lady comes into the office twice a week to take care of administrative matters such as accounts, payroll and computers. She administers the Locus System the firm was using which was the system the law firm I was with in Kuala Lumpur had used. Shani Fulker   is a well-liked member of Sharrock Pitman Legal, the now well known law firm in Glen Waverley, some 20km east of Melbourne.

Yesterday Shani telephoned to say her boyfriend, Mick, had proposed over the weekend and she is now officially engaged. Everyone was excited. Especially since only a few days before that Shani had lost a very close friend through a motor accident and she was very hurt by that.

A couple of hours ago the office got together to have some cakes and coffee to celebrate this wonderful event. The rich chocolate cake from a Swiss cake shop in Blackburn Road was very good. In the midst of talking and laughing however, the topic switched, only momentarily, to some more sombre topics. Someone mentioned a matter one of the lawyers was handling, one involving an elderly lady who had demonstrated symptoms of dementia and was disputing some instructions she had given the firm some time back. Earlier in the day the boss and I had taken instructions from another very elderly couple who was clearly anticipating departure from this world and had wanted to plan their estates to optimise implementation of their wishes.

Right towards the end of our little tea party, a lawyer, Tim Whitehead, announced he and his wife were expecting their second child in April next year. Dylan Whitehead had only recently celebrated his first birthday so clearly Tim and Sarah Whitehead were able to enjoy some time together despite Dylan’s reported sleep disruptions.

So – in a space of three quarters of a day we talked of birth, marriage and death (the topics emerged in reverse order, unfortunately). I don’t know if it hit the other in this firm as much as it hit me. Last night I dreamt of my grandmother. Maybe it was because in the last few days whenever I read the bible, a photograph with my grandmother and my late grandfather in it which I use as a bookmark had etched in my mind. In my dream, I was riding in a tricycle with her. We were riding through the streets in Klang and I was enjoying just being with her. I know this is weird stuff but it was very pleasant.

In my grandmother, I see a thread running through the themes of birth, marriage and death. I see my grandmother’s bright and wide smiles and I hear her gusty laughter whenever she cuddled a great grandson or daughter. I remember her walking around in my room cuddling and cooing Elysia when she was only a few days old.

I see the same smile and hear the same laughter whenever there is a wedding in the family. The last time that happened was when a cousin (who happens to live here in Melbourne) got married in Ipoh late last year. Her joy was a little more muted compared to when my late grandfather was alive but it was still so infectious.

I remember sharing her sorrow when my grandfather died, in 2002. I always remember the time when he died, albeit not for the best of reasons. England was taking Argentina on in the 2002 World Cup and we all kept up a virgil in what was obviously going to be his final moments. I admit my mind was on the game and though many of us were at the house we kept our minds and eyes on the game as well. When he died early the next morning, the person I felt saddest for was my grandmother. They clearly loved each other so very much.

So even as the little office had a happy occasion this afternoon, my mind was taken to those timeless issues of birth, marriage and death. These life issues in turn made me think of my dear grandmother, who recently turned 86. I dreamt of her last night. I will always think of her fondly and affectionately. She showed me how to rejoice, how to love and how to ache. She showed me how to live.

 

PS: I have just received an email from a cousin in Ipoh. She has just given birth to her second child, a beautiful girl they named Sonya. Sonya Leanne Gill. I hope my grandmother cuddles her and lets out one of those gusty laughters. I can hear her now. She doesn’t coo. She uses this (nyonya?) phrase: ow kow ker… I never found out what that meant, exactly.