I’m tired

I was stressed yesterday night, worrying about a mistake I had made at work late yesterday. So this morning I pounded the thread mill. Really hard. I ended up with a 47:55 for my usual 10k. 4:47.5 per km. 7:40 per mile. Did that take away the stress? No but it did put a smile on my face for a while…

One of our favourite scenes in Fellowship of the Rings is the one where the fellowship was thwarted on the mountain path and was forced to go through the mines of Moria. You could see the fear on the faces of everyone, even Gandalf. No one wanted to go through those wretched mines (maybe except for that dwarf – what’s his name – the character played by John Rhys Davies).

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In life there are areas you know you don’t want to go near. You looked in once and told yourself after that you don’t ever go there and soon you know it’s a wretched place but don’t bother with the why’s. You just don’t go there period. Soon you even struggle to remember the details; all you remember is it’s an awful place and you simply stay away.

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Like a second mortgage. You know it’s bad. You know the first mortgagee comes in first and you can’t move, can’t so much as breathe unless that first guy says so first. So when a client thinks of a second mortgage, you simply say not to think it. Stay away. Don’t ask why. Trust me. You don’t want to go there. Usually my clients listen. Well back in Malaysia they did. We never bothered with second mortgages. On the odd occasion we do, we don’t have to explain the nasty bits of such a path. We simply draw up a security sharing document and the client ranks equal. So you still end up not with a second mortgage but an equal first. We still don’t have to explain why a second mortgage is a dark smelly cave of death where ugly orcs and Belloq rules the roost. It’s one of those places you don’t go and there’s no need to ask why.

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Not unless you are one of those clients like mine in this matter I’m handling. Second mortgage please. No? Why not? What do you mean? No, tell me. My boss wants me to tell the client, in writing of course. I cannot of course just tell the client to forget it. I am no longer the trusted advisor whose word goes. I am questioned. Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s the Aussie way, but I am asked why. “Please explain”, as Pauline Hanson famously said. So I have to do some research. Actually read the Act line by line so that I could tell her in writing why Moria is to be avoided.

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Sometimes I do that, with corporate clients. I spell out line by line, of what the legal position is. I am then accused of doing nothing but regurgitating. Sometimes I am accused of not protecting ourselves enough by not pointing out, line by line, why Moria is a no-go area. I guess I have to try harder and ping the correct level of saying just enough, just right.

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I think Gandalf had to befriend the cave to get stuck into it. He left the cave in an apparent deadly fashion but of course emerged majestically from it, transfigured and morphed into a superior being. Grey to white. Elevated powers. I am about to re-enter this cave which I decided a long time ago I did not want to enter. So long ago that I no longer remember why I didn’t want to go in. Now I have to. Will I leave it in death? Will I survive, perhaps do a Gandalf and re-emerge a better and more powerful legal wizard. Yes, it’s Friday and I am I think, permitted to fantasize a bit…

 

 

Hurricane Rita is threatening to wreak even more devastation than Katrina. It is as though the first wave was only a foretaste of what is to come. The repercussions are widespread. The effects will be felt far beyond Houston, Galveston and the other threatened cities or even the Southern states of US. Already there is talk the price of crude oil could shoot towards $80 a barrel. Just a year ago $50 a barrel would have been regarded as catastrophic. There is to be a Petrol Summit here in Australia between the government, retailers and consumers. The big oil companies would not take part. Surely these high oil prices spell disaster for the world before too long? I would not be surprised if events now unfold to lead to the “abomination of desolation” spoken off in Daniel and by Jesus himself.

I recall reading Boys from Brazil and finding out about Simon Wiesenthal. A couple of years ago I also had the chance to read about Israeli overt and covert espionage activities in a book called “Gideon’s Spies” or something like that. The fascination with the struggle of the Jewish people to survive and thrive as a people is long lasting, and rightly so. It is a story of the most amazing victories in the face of incredible odds. Of course the Jews are not the only ones to have gone through this but somehow the pervasiveness of the Judeo-Christian legacy has meant that their struggle attracts enormous attention. Also, there is something profoundly depraved about the way the Nazis systematically set out to destroy a whole race, which demands close scrutiny. Wiesenthal died yesterday. A man single minded in his pursuit of anti-Semites, he was revered and admired. He once said he could forgive the Nazis for himself, but for what they did to millions of other Jews he just had to plough on.

On a less sombre note but equally uplifting (as the life of Wiesenthal had been) is something which happened in my office this morning. The boss actually called for a discussion with everyone to explore how he may solve a problem with a client referred by a valued accountant (constant source of referrals). He was a bit uncomfortable with how he was thinking/feeling so he called everyone together to bounce his thoughts off us and got our takes on the situation. He made a decision in the end but took into account our opinions and views on the matter. He was the sole proprietor and boss but he chose to do this. That was a very warm and uplifting experience. It was very big of him and clearly what he asked of us (ie work as a team) he did himself.

 

I turn 40 today. Despite being labelled a baby by my 51 year old boss I feel very uncomfortable. I did a 48:13 10K on the thread mill this morning. That’s 4:49 per km or 7:43 per mile.  That’s a touch better than the 7:52 mile I did on Saturday last but that was an 8-mile run, not a 6.25 mile like the one this morning. Even so, that’s as good a run as I have had for a long while, and I have for the past few weeks, consistently did sub-8 minutes mile over a 6-8 mile run. At this rate I could seriously think of a 1:45 half-marathon and for someone who has just qualified for the veteran category that’s respectable, I should think. I was telling my wife on Sunday, that this is the first time in 8 years that I would miss the PJ Half. I should feel good physically but yet I am very uncomfortable at turning 40. I cannot put my finger on it. I have a new life here in Melbourne, away from many of the issues and factors in Malaysia which I didn’t like. My daughter is enjoying her school and has just enrolled in a respectable government secondary college for next year. My wife looks as beautiful as ever, is still loads of fun (except when she doses off in front of the tele) and I think our relationship is as good as ever, even better I think than when we first got married. As a family we are closer than ever. So my discomfort is not because of ill health and it’s not because of family or marital reasons. Maybe it’s my work. I am in a very good small suburban law firm. People here are very decent and hardworking, the sort James Herriot used to call salt of the earth type of people. Maybe it is the ongoing adjustments I am still going through. The adjustment from a city law firm doing corporate, banking and investment banking work to drawing up wills for moms and pops, drawing up loan agreements for ladies lending to their friends for their moms and pops shops, chasing debts for small traders and commercial people and issuing letters to local authorities over fencing and school enrolment matters. When your client is a listed major bank in the country you don’t write long explanatory letters to accompany your work. You attend senior management meetings to understand your client’s agenda and then brief your associates to draft the necessary deeds or agreements. You work through the drafts with these associates, send the stuff to the other side’s lawyer and plug away at the points and drafting. At certain junctures you do some research to establish a legal position. Then you stand your ground or reshape your draft accordingly. All this while your client is kept in the loop but does not participate in the rounds with the other side’s lawyers. The client becomes involved only when the issue has a commercial repercussion and you as lawyer make that call whether it does have such repercussion. Here clients are more involved, small moms and pops notwithstanding. They want to know, rightly of course because they are the ones feeding the meter, what all the to-ing and fro-ing is all about. So you take time to write lengthy letters to explain what is going on, at every turn. That is just one part of practice in my present context which I’m coming to terms with. Mind you these are not complex issues involving rights under a trust deed of a special purpose vehicle issuing asset backed securities against assignable streams of classified assets of commercial banks to be stripped and reissued to exempt investors to form part of their portfolio of qualifying investments for example. These are moms and pops who want to know if their mortgage is on fixed or variable rates or if son number 2 has a trust under their will. Yet the letters to be written have far more details, because these are folks who are literate and read and demand to understand everything they do. Not unfair but it does mean I have t make an almighty swivel to orientate my thinking and perception. Maybe this is what makes me uncomfortable – to be required to make such a manoeuvre at the ripe old age of 40. I should be courting company directors, sniffing for deals I can put my own money in, jousting and jostling for prominent catchment positions both in terms of money and position and worrying about which Ivy League institution my children would be enrolling in. Instead here I am living my life as a suburban lawyer (not yet qualified) and taking pride in my personal best for a 10k or 21k. Not better or worse, just different. Very different. I guess this is therefore less to do with the fact that I turn 40 today than I am now in Melbourne Australia living a life quite unlike the one I had been living for the preceding 15 years. Maybe this is my mid-life point.

 

We recently sued one of our debtors. Today we received a letter from an institution known as the Insolvency and Trustee Service Australia or the ITSA. It is the official trustee of banckruptcy. Someone in financial difficulty and facing insolvency or potential bankruptcy may go to this institution and ask to have a debt agreement proposal drawn up for him. The trustee would then draw up such an agreement and give it to all creditors for their consideration. The statement we received look like this (note all weekly basis):

 

Income
Basic pay after Medicare levy	$650.00
Centerlink (social security) benefits	$351.37
Maintenance received	$323.65
Total Income	$1325.65
Expenses
Rent/Mortgage	$200.00
Food	$230.00
Phone/Mobile Phone/Internet/Cable TV	$94.30
Electricity/Gas	$56.60
Medical/Chemist	$5.00
Car finance	$209.90
Car fuel/registration/insurance	$104.50
Other insurance	$13.75
School fee/expenses	$50.00
Other expenses for children (sport/ music/ presents/ clothes)	$165.00
Clothes/shoes/hairdressers	$10.00
Incidentals – entertainment/ alcohol/ cigarettes/ books/ takeaways/magazines)	$20.00
Total Expenses	$1159.05
Net Balance	$165.97

 

This is a pieced together family, with both partners coming from previous marriages and children from those marriages. The maintenance and social security benefit they receive exceed their wages/earnings. They have a total of 5 children. Is this a humane and decent society we live in or is it one which encourages irresponsible behaviour? Does this provide a safety net and especially ensure children do not fall by the side or does this spawn more fragmented families because there is always a safety net? I find this very intriguing. The authority gives them financial support and even allows room for matters like cable television, sports and music lessons, alcohol and tobacco. It recognises that ordinary families need these things to live ordinary lives, their near bankruptcy notwithstanding. Items Malaysians would consider luxury are taken as basic necessity and therefore allowed as reasonable expense items for someone who is insolvent or near bankrupt.

 

Take away the social security and maintenance payments. They would have $650 per week. Rent and food is about $430.00. That leaves $220.00 for other stuff. Assuming that electricity and gas are essentials, and assuming they trade in their car for something much cheaper and therefore eliminate the car financing and lower fuel costs, they might just squeeze through don’t you think? But they would have next to nothing apart from bare subsistence. In other words, the cushion is still very generous. I know this is good for the kids but I don’t know what it does to responsible behaviour on the part of parents.

 

 

“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vine, though the olive crop fails and the field produces no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet will I rejoice in the LORD. I will be joyful in God my Saviour, the Sovereign LORD is my strength.”  These words were written by Habakkuk (3:17-19), a so-called “minor prophet” of the Old Testament in the Bible. Anyone who can say such things cannot be minor. His book may have contained only three chapters but in modern times such as ours, these words can only be said by a very big man. Last night I told my wife how these words have taken a hold in my heart recently. They have sort of added an angle to the words of Daniel’s three friends when Nebuchadnezzar threw them into a furnace so hot the blokes firing it up got killed by the heat. These 3 amigos confidently told the king that their God would deliver them from the furnace. The important rider however was that “even if He does not …we will not serve your gods or worship the image you have set up” (Daniel 3:18) Wow. These words can only be uttered from the knowledge that God’s ways are higher than ours, and that He knows our needs more than we do. Therefore, what is important is simply to worship and praise Him no matter what the circumstances. He is after all, God. So what if He doesn’t do what we hope (or wrongly expect) Him to. That does not diminish His divinity in any way. It should add a new dimension to the way we know Him. While we know that He loves us as our Heavenly Father and will therefore provide for us (Matthew 6) our submission to His sovereignty goes beyond His providence to us.

 

Invariably when one thinks this way one is pretty much in a bit of a pit. Why would a person rolling in dough think of how he would react if his coffers run dry, right? It may not be just material. Why would a person living some of this happiest days be thinking of doom and gloom yes? Ah well I might as well fess up – yes, I’m in a bit of a gloomy mood now. It gets to me every now and then – the act of submitting to a whole new game, copping the admonition that comes with instructions, regretting the differences in approaches, forgetting certain details simply because one has become accustomed to having some other person (such as a secretary or subordinate) take care of them, being walloped for a whole gamut of reasons which add up to an almighty misery… yes just being in the pits. The temptation to give up, walk away and say enough is enough, constantly rears its ugly head. Alternatively the temptation is to think maybe the fit is wrong and he wants me out. After all, 95% of what I do now used to comprise maybe 2% of what I did in Malaysia, and that was over 10 years ago, when I started out. Yes – probates, wills, debt collection, tenancy, and mom and pop businesses – these comprise maybe 95% of what I do now. I struggle with them because my mind is simply not in this mode. Even after almost 6 months here. My struggles at work often mean miserable days on end. I go home feeling all dark and gloomy, having derived no satisfaction of a good day’s work. I would kneel, the following morning, and ask God to give me strength to cope with the new day. I often don’t – these cycles repeat themselves. So the 3 Amigo’s brave words and deed come to mind, just as Habakkuk’s challenge. When I said these things to my wife last night, I wonder how she felt.

 

I used to read MGG Pillai’s views regularly. Last week I looked up his site and realised he had not written for a period of over two months between June and end-August this year. He said he had a mild stroke but appears to have recovered substantially, at least enough to start writing again. I hope he recuperates soon and completely. In one of his “I am back” articles, he more or less pronounced the last rites for the BN in Malaysia. It is hard for anyone in Malaysia to imagine the country being ruled by anyone from outside the BN, but a veteran journalist has put his reputation on the line (yet again) to predict this incredible outcome. Contrast this with the assumptions in Malaysia-Today implicit in Raja Petra Kamaruddin’s running account of Khairy Jamaluddin’s alleged exploits. Khairy is allegedly working on a long term plan to anchor himself as the supreme leader in UMNO. Why work your way up to be captain of a sinking ship? Or have I made the mistake of reading into Petra’s writings assumptions that he had not made? I have not read much of his other sections in Malaysia-Today, so I don’t know if for example, he thinks Anwar would make galvanise PKR sufficiently for it to be a credible alternative ruling party. I am not yet convinced PKR is not just another Semangat 46; ie., fallen princes of UMNO who are simply looking for UMNO Version x.x to lay their claims to the throne. I had hoped for Syed Hussein’s party to be the legitimate platform that is truly is, to launch a truly Malaysian (as opposed to Malay, Chinese, Indian or Islamic) agenda. Alas, UMNO’s rule is how old – 50 years now? It would take a lot to dismantle this machine, old, creaking and corrupt it may be.

 

Here in Australia, democracy is vibrant and both sides of parliament are again at each other’s throat. Neither the Liberal-National coalition nor the Labour party can ever take things for granted and the public and media scrutiny is assured to keep both sides on their toes and be as accountable as possible, at least with the right stories to pump out. Today, the PM announced a series of drastic new laws to address the issue of terrorism. Some see the timing of this announcement as a deflection of the Telstra issue. The accusation was that the PM hurt the hip pockets of moms and pops who bought Telstra shares thinking the Government had implicitly endorsed its well being. If this accusation carries on and no satisfactory explanations are offered, the Lib-Nat will suffer. So, the PM throws up another issue to absorb precious media spaces. Telstra takes a back seat, giving backroom boys to put together a credible position for Johnny and Sam (the Mexican helming Telstra). Smart? I guess, but the media is on to it. Yesterday evening while driving back, I listened as I usually do, to 3AW. There it was – they referred to this and recalled something Paul Keating once said about throwing a juicy piece of meat in some direction away from a pack of dogs having a go at each other.

 

Politics is a dirty game, whether it is in Malaysia or Australia. The difference is here, the media does not shy away. It bares issues which ought to be exposed and grills anyone standing in the way of knowledge and accountability. In this respect, I guess Malaysia has taken huge strides in say, the past 12 months. But this is like a drop in the ocean. Long way to go? You bet.

Yesterday evening just as I reached home, a man walked up to our front door. He was trying to sell us a subscription to Optus’ phone and internet services. I thought about it for about 2 seconds and told him no thank you very much. I had signed up with Telstra for a year, I told him. Later that night after dinner, Theresa, Elysia and I flipped over a few advertising brochures, mainly for mobile phones. I flippantly told Theresa that we ought to switch when our contract ends, as Telstra may be heading for trouble. I don’t know what made me say that. Maybe subconsciously the idea has been building up, given the amount of negative press Telstra has been receiving lately. This morning, it was in the news again. Kim Beazley had accused John Howard of pulling a fast one, of not disclosing to the public how sick Telstra really is. It has been using reserves to pay dividends. The PM countered that it is perfectly acceptable to pay dividends out of retained earnings. He is right of course. Dividends may be paid out of profits, so says the Companies Act of Malaysia. I’m sure the Corporations Act 2001 says the same thing (must look it up). Profits need not be current year profits. Telstra is not alone in doing this. It is no big deal. It is a Big Deal when the company is not well and the government has been pushing company officials to talk it up. This was the accusation. The other accusation was that by keeping quiet, the PM was conveying a picture of health when it was really quite sick. Moms and Pops have been buying Telstra shares on the basis of this picture of health, and lately, Telstra has tanked. In the news this morning, the PM said he was duty bound, legally bound, to shut up. He was not allowed to disclose what he knew, as was required by some telecommunications act. No doubt that would be verified soon enough and if that was inaccurate he’d be fried. The other side is of course that as a listed company, Telstra should have disclosed price sensitive information (such as how much regulation is going to cost them) to the ASX, something they have not done. What they did instead was to tell the media that they would not have recommended the stock to their own mothers. Bottom line: Telstra is not well. Theresa’s mobile, my mobile and our home phones are all Telstra. Service shouldn’t be affected (the PM said Telstra is 99% fault free), but it made me think. Maybe I should wait around this evening, in case another one of those Optus canvassers walk up our front door again. He might get lucky.