Several days ago I received an email from my brother. Someone we know has been diagnosed with leukaemia. I immediately felt sick and thought of another late brother from the Klang church, who died a couple of years ago from the same illness. I wondered how he and his family felt, and I still wonder how they are now feeling. This has been a man who has taught me so many lessons in life. His was a life of simplicity and humility. He holds a PhD in public finance, from the University of Chicago. If he was Malay, he would have made it to the very top in civil service (Ministry of Education). He wasn’t, and didn’t. He is a Chinese, and despite his top class qualification and years of loyal service, retired with only an AMN or KMN or some other token reward like that. He always took the bus to work, all the way from Klang to KL, with his office in the heart of the city. After his retirement from the civil service, he joined a private college. That was the first time he ever drove anything remotely resembling a luxury vehicle. He was given a Volvo – an 850 or something like that. He looked good in it but was ever the humble person I had always known him to be. In family gatherings he would sit in a corner and would invariably take a snooze. When he is awake however, he is always keen to walk into some conversation and shoot a smart repartee to whomever he was inclined to have a go at, smiling widely as he does it. He was always wearing a cotton shirt and a pair of shorts. In church, I would usually not see him until after the service. He would then, usually, be in some corner having his coffee and biscuit, and having a warm conversation with someone. He was always pleasant when we spoke, and even if I don’t always show it, there was always deference in my heart. I was always conscious of speaking with an intellectual who didn’t behave anywhere near like one. He was a man of God as well. His mother was a lay preacher and I always remember her to be the one who brought my maternal grandmother to Christ. She was a frail, gentle and most pleasant woman, who had lost her husband while the kids were all still very young. If this sounds like a eulogy I hope I’m way too ahead of events. He can of course, be treated, although one of his daughters (a dear cousin) had in an email, said the prognosis wasn’t good. He is one of my many many loving uncles whom God has blessed me with. He was one of many beacons to my path in life, and because of him, I often try to think of how I too, can become a beacon to others. I have been praying for him everyday, and I hope to continue doing so. I hope they opt for treatment and try to keep this wonderful man shining for as long as possible, so that more can have their lives illuminated by him.

I have just assisted a colleague in attending to an elderly client. This client needed a will done. We are also assisting this client in the matter of a divorce consent orders. An elderly person facing divorce. The couple has been married for 25 years. The man is 79 this year. The woman is 68. I am so disturbed as I cannot get my head around this decision by what appears to be a lucid person. What may be the courses leading to such a drastic action? Can it not be salvaged? The man was 54 when he married her. He was married to her for 25 years. She was 43 when they married. At 68 she faces the prospect of living alone again. Was it such a bad marriage? At this stage of their lives, the marriage must be of a destructive nature for it to be ended in any means other than death. I am so saddened by this. The client appears to be such a pleasant person. I am sure the (soon to be ex) spouse is equally pleasant? How can 2 decent looking people be so bad together? Why at the throes of death does someone decide he or she has irreconcilable differences with the spouse and asks a court to dissolve their marriage? I find this appalling. In old age, all one has is the partner. I see my paternal grandmother’s eyes well up every time we talk about our late grandfather. It is obvious she loved him and still missed him, the last time I saw her, many months ago. I remember the odd occasion I caught my late maternal grandfather eyes, also tinged with sadness, when we had family get togethers and spoke about my late grandmother, who had died many years earlier. I see the different moods of my mother in law whenever my father in law goes away for a trip abroad. She is clearly happier with him around. Even though my own parents bicker at each other, I hear the love each has for the other in their voices. In my own case I love my wife to bits. I have loved her long before we were married and I love her even more now than I did before. I hope to love her for many years to come. I cant imagine ageing without her. That really is a major occupational hazard for family law practitioners. Yes, it is stressful to deal with business failures, business joint venture break-ups, landlord-tenant disputes, even sibling disputes. It is much less stressful to deal with supplier-customer disputes. I cannot however imagine how one copes with dealing with marriage breakdowns on a daily basis. We once had a casual chat in office about this and the answer was – alcohol. Many family law practitioners turn to the bottle as a way to deal with this sort of stress. I can understand why. The case I just mentioned was sad, so sad. So sad it is almost bizarre. If I had to deal with this on a regular basis, I wont discount turning to the bottle to clear my mind, everyday. As it is I had while practising in KL, regularly drank just to unwind. I wasn’t practising family law then, I never did. I shudder to think how badly I might have turned to booze had I been practising family law.

            There are a few little roundabouts which I must go through to get to work each day. As usual as I come to each of these little doughnuts, I stop to allow vehicles already in the doughnut to clear away. As usual these drivers, who unfortunately are not Malaysian-trained, tend to take their time and smile unhurriedly as they make their pathetic little manoeuvres. Unfortunately by now I have acquired some of these habits and as I take in some of these unhurried smiles, I usually smile back suggesting I too am not in a hurry, am ever ready to patiently wait for my turn and be pleasant at it all. In other words: shake off my hurried, impatient aggressive Malaysian driving style.  This morning however, as I approach the last of these little roundabouts, I saw a very unpleasant face staring out of one of these cars trying to go around. It was a young man, obviously very unhappy. Reminds me of Malaysian drivers, except he was a white Caucasian. As I took a second look – voila – he was driving a Waja. This is the first time I have seen a Waja in Melbourne. It is in the ubiquitous (in Malaysia at least) silver colour. I wondered what made him so unhappy – was it the power windows, the steering-wheel mounted radio controls, the cigarette lighter, the wiper or some other faulty accessories all Waja/Proton owner-driver have to deal with. Maybe that’s why Malaysian drivers tend to be unfriendly. It’s the Proton car they have been trained to drive on… The happy drivers are the AP drivers. Drivers with AP faces because they don’t have to use Protons… Anyway, it gave me another sense of déjà vu – imagine that, a first sighting of a Waja in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne.

I find it exhilarating to read recent exchanges questioning the basis and rationale of positive discrimination in Malaysia. The fact that they are so openly discussed is in itself a development one dared not hope in not-too-distant memory. To read of how Ministers and other potential leaders are openly (at least in cyberspace) derided and pilloried for blindly and stupidly parroting the alleged constitutional basis for the inequity and unfairness suffered by Chinese, Indians and other non-Malays all these years, is a refreshing breath of much needed fresh air. Then there is the statement by a former champion of Malay rights, Anwar Ibrahim, that the Malays’ special privileges should be scrapped. This is all shockingly positive news. Wonderfully encouraging news. Would they however, mean that Malaysia is well on its way to a more open and equitable society? It sounds like tiny first steps to me, but they represent the biggest steps taken in Malaysian history for as long as I can remember. If this carries, then it leaves corruption as the remaining malaise to be combated. Is this sufficient reason to contemplate making Malaysia our home again? Of course. Malaysia is where my family and I were born and raised. I’d return and call it home again if I so much as catch a whiff of potential change. The effects of such crippling policies however, have been far and wide. The twin terrors of NEP and corruption have been allowed to fester for so long, recovery will take be a long time coming (to say the least). Even if God allows Malaysia to get out of these woods the recuperation will take a long time. Certainly, such recovery if at all will not come quickly enough to warrant a reconsideration of our plans to make Melbourne our home. Malaysia has only begun waking up to the need to see a doctor. It is only beginning to be uneasy with these twin cancerous inflictions. It is only starting to ask questions. Whether it proceeds to have the problems properly diagnosed seeks treatment and accepts the need to adopt drastic measures remains to be seen. Only if it does, can we even contemplate the healing process.

 

Some people I have exchanged emails with accuse me of running away from the problems. They accuse me of not staying and fighting, saying I leave my fighting to others. I have never read Sun Tzu, so I can’t claim to be acquainted with the art of war but I know this isn’t a war I can fight and win. Knowing as I do, am I not obligated to salvage my child’s future and seek safer pastures? In any case, are those who choose to remain in Malaysia staying for noble reasons? Many remain because they have no choice. Emigration isn’t open to most people. Others stay because the price is too high. We spend a small fortune relocating, sacrifice a fortune by giving up vocations we had spent years building and give up on pleasures of extended family network and support. Then there are smaller pleasure like domestic help, good food, and laid back communities. All these add up to an enormous sacrifice which many are not prepared to make. Aren’t they running away from responsible action? Am I doing the running or are they? I have carried my fight elsewhere, where I think I or my child at least has a fighting chance. They have chosen to run away from this fight, as by remaining in Malaysia, they don’t have to fight. They already have a secured and pleasant lifestyle. I argue that this is temporal as their children are the ones who will have to make the sacrifices later on, all things being equal. If I am right, my accusers are the ones running away from the problem. If they want to avoid this cop-out, they should pack up their bags and go fight battles where their children can have better chances of winning.

The cold snap has continued to freeze the socks off south-east Australia. I again braved a 3-4 degree morning as I climbed out of bed a little after 5, and stumbled into the kitchen to put the kettle on. I shivered as I prayed and read the bible, sipping a beautiful mug of steaming hot tea. When I slipped into my running shorts, I felt the hair on my leg stand. I was very thankful I have an indoor thread mill to run on, and hoped the gym will fire up the heater nicely. It was only 6am but the gym was already abuzz with members dashing in out of the cold. Again, even after a good sweaty work out, it was still a little chilly. I had turned on the heater at home just before I left however and when I got home, it had been on for over 1.5 hours so the home was quite nicely warm. I returned just in time to catch Theresa as she was just leaving for work and she was almost shivering but thankfully there were no tears. When Elysia and I left home at 8.30am it was still only 5 degrees. She had decided against the extra jumper even after I insisted on it. “I should have demanded it,” I thought as I walked from my car to the office. It was still chilly. Anyway I hope the cold would take a break tomorrow.

                   There is a “cold snap” presently hitting south-east Australia. Apparently some storm out of Antarctica has generated enough momentum to carry all the way here. Yesterday morning Melbourne got all excited as it snowed in a number of places – something which hasn’t happened for 50 years. Elysia was excited too – last night over dinner she told us her school ground was covered with icy hails. All these of course meant that it has been rather cold. The temperature remained between 5-8 degrees for much of yesterday, and this morning one radio presenter suggested it was about 1.5 degrees! When I pulled into the parking lot of the gym at 6 this morning people were seen making quick dashes heading towards the gym, trying to get out of the exposed areas. Inside the gym it was less crowded than usual. I did my usual run, had a quick shower and despite the drenched t-shirt, I still felt cold once outside the gym. I had turned on the heater just before I left home in the morning, to make it easier for wifey and kiddo to wake up. It appeared to have worked as when kiddo and I sat down to breakfast, she suggested she was too warm and wanted the heater turned off! Of course she had an extra jumper on, like I had told her to the day before.

                   Yesterday, I forgot to take my mobile with me to work. I had left it in the jacket I had used when we dropped mom, sis and Stan off at the airport. And what was the result of this slight slip of the mind? 6 litres of milk, 4 loaves of bread and 2 cartons of eggs now sit in our fridge/pantry. Theresa and I both picked up the exact same things on our way back from work – each of us bought 3 litres of the same milk, 2 loaves of the same bread and 1 carton of the same eggs. Yes, we have been married for just that long… So we had French toasts for dinner (to use up the eggs and bread) and had pork strip soup (with beaten eggs of course) to go with the toasts! It was actually quite a nice change.

                   This morning we had a walk-in client. He was of dark complexion, had a middle-eastern sounding name, wore a black leather jacket and had a dark green beanie on. He was unshaven, and looked well-built. He spoke with a slight middle-eastern or south-Asian accent. He had a request which was made to sound unusual but in retrospect wasn’t at all unusual. He wanted his name cleared from credit agencies but said he didn’t want his name to appear on any database at all. In today’s context of fear and irrational responses arising from latest London bombings, these were facts which add up for an easy, though of course unfair, snigger around the office – “he even looked like a terrorist”… He appeared decent enough, spoke English reasonably well and appeared to be a genuine potential client with a fair dinkum request. If the same client appeared pre September 2001, no one would have thought anything. I confess that when he mentioned how he didn’t want his name to appear anywhere, that same unfair thought raced through my mind: “Why, I wonder – who are you hiding from?” I also wonder however if our thoughts and responses were totally irrational. What the London bombings manifestly established was that perfectly normal looking persons with perfectly normal lives are capable of hideous terrorist acts. The one unfortunate common thread through all these perpetrators appear to be their ethnicity which unfortunately has a common religious affinity. If one is middle-eastern or south-Asian and is a Muslim, it immediately arouses suspicions, especially if he is a young single male and has requests like the one we had this morning. I just don’t know what is right anymore. It is wrong to have prejudices but at the same time we cannot ignore the and events facts as they occur. We wrestle to maintain natural justice, fair play and rule of law without consideration for race or religion but events and facts tell us we can no longer have no consideration for race or religion. Or do they? We need guidance from our leaders. Political, communal and religious leaders.

Mom and May, with Stan the Man (my 5-year old nephew) leave for Sydney tonight. They’d be there for a just under a week after which they are off to Malaysia. May and Stan will then return to Xuzhou in China, 2 weeks later. There’s only a slight chance we will catch them if we make a visit to Malaysia end of the year. Otherwise, we wont be seeing them for a while. Mom seems to have enjoyed herself. We were hoping to re-acquaint ourselves with her cooking but she has cleverly stayed away from the kitchen the entire 10 days, so we didn’t so much as get a cup of coffee from her…  May cooked dinner for us once, so that was great. Otherwise, they pretty much put up with our cooking except for 2 meals which we ate out – one Italian and the other, Chinese of course. I am going to miss that many-people-in-the-house atmosphere. More people meant more work which made it difficult to feel lonely, and time really flies past you when you have a lot of work. With fewer people and therefore simpler meals, less work leads to more time to think about them… hmmm… I will miss them.

I have been a member of one gym or another for many years now. I started out at Equinox in the KL Equatorial Hotel, while working in Menara IMC. When my office moved to Jalan Tun Razak, I switched to the Crown Princess Clark Hatch and while there, used many Clark Hatch gyms all over Malaysia, but mainly in KL Hilton, PJ Hilton, KL Istana Hotel, and a couple more hotels in KL, Subang and Shah Alam, which I have forgotten what they are called. When I changed job and moved back to Jalan Sultan Ismail, I switched first to the Istana Clark Hatch then, back to the Equinox. Curiously enough, my gym experience in Malaysia started and ended with Equinox. My last 3 years (2002 – 2004) in Equinox were particularly filled with fond memories, as it was a quiet, friendly and very well maintained gym. By and large in any event, the gyms in Malaysia I have had the good fortune to be part of were very friendly. Maybe because I was a regular and was often the first one there on weekdays when they opened in the morning, but my relationship with the trainers and attendants were all very cordial and friendly. Of course, there were exceptions, as invariably there was the odd one or two which had something to say about my profuse sweat glands, especially at the end of my run on the thread mill. But like I said, a huge majority of them were very friendly and pleasant. Even the staff at the clubs we were member like the Klang Club and Klang Executive Club had friendly gym staff. It baffles me therefore to encounter cold and unfriendly staff I have been dealing with at the Fitness First gym in Glen Waverley, where I joined a little over a week ago. Maybe it is the size of this place. It is larger than any gym I have been part of, had something like 20 thread mills and equal numbers of cross trainers, step climbers and cycling machines. That is only one quarter of floor space dedicated to exercise machines. The other 3 quarters had weight machines, free-weights, cardio circuit area, stretch area, studio for classes, solarium, juice bar and refreshment areas, it is just so big. Yet I cannot come to grips with the attitude of the staff. They are not necessarily nasty or rude in any way, just not interested in chatting with members and making them feel at home. This morning I approached one of them to collect my freebies which I was supposed to be given when I signed up (they ran out of stock and asked me to collect it them few days later). Without nary a smile the young lady at the counter simply packed the stuff into a big and handed it to me. It isn’t anything to do with race either (before anyone suggested it) as that young lady was an Asian, and has that same demeanor as the other girl on duty, a lanky Aussie girl. Sigh… as friendly as Melbourne folks are in general, gym staff in KL beat their Melbourne counterparts hands down. Maybe it was my state of being soaked when I approached them – I don’t see anyone around sweatier than me – but even then the Malaysian variety were friendly regardless of my state of sweatiness. That’s the other thing – it feels good to sweat that way, again. So, whether they are friendly or otherwise, I go away happy. Tired but happy.

 

It has been a frustrating 2 days. We want to take a drive on the Great Ocean Road on Saturday. There are 6 of us, and after last Saturday’s Phillip Island trip, I wasn’t about to do another weekend trip without Theresa. We want to go together, and are prepared to rent an MPV or people mover, for the trip. Somehow none of the car rental outlets I have rang or emailed have a car available for us. I suspect they want extended business and do not want our single-day rental business. A couple of times already, they had taken my booking but then called later to say a vehicle isn’t available. I wish we had bought a people mover instead of a normal sedan, but how does a family of 3 find any reason to own such a vehicle? If we don’t find one by tonight, they’d have to go on day tours on their own.

It has been quite an eventful 7 days:

Wednesday:

Went to the Fitness First gym near our home for a “trial work-out” for free. Ran a whole hour and had that wonderful sense of déjà vu – wet vest sticking to the back, wiping off spots of sweat from the thread mill after. Still enjoying the high of the endorphin, I hurried home to tell the wife, forgetting to collect my driver’s license which I had left behind for identification.

Thursday:

Went into the city twice. Client’s transaction was thought undervalued, the state revenue office refused to stamp the transfer at the stated value. Went back to office, discussed with boss and client, and went back to the city. Revenue was then ok, but the transfer couldn’t be lodged as the computer system was down at the land registry. Ah… bureaucratic bungling finally rears its ugly head, even in Melbourne Australia. This is something to write to my Malaysian ex-colleagues about. It happens here too! Anyway, my mom, sister and nephew were coming to Melbourne the next day and I had asked for the day off. How now, brown cow? It was an urgent transaction; client had wanted the transfer done that day. I told the boss I didn’t mind dropping by the land registry on my day off; was in the city anyway. Easy points to score, and I did. Went to the Fitness First gym again in the evening, supposedly to collect my driver’s license but really to only get another free work-out. This time however, the salesperson cornered me and closed the sale. I signed up! After all, I was planning to resume regular gym use.

Friday:

Kiddo took the day off together with me, and we drove to Tullamarine excitedly in the morning. After circling the pick-up area twice, we saw them on the third time. We picked them up, and headed into the city to do my transfer at the land registry. I was nervous, as I had not made a land transfer for a long time (over 10 years!) and this was the first time I was doing this in Melbourne, and it was an urgent transaction for the client. It went through, miraculously within 20 minutes. I even had the transferred title with me, on the spot! The computer system may be subject to the usual vicissitudes but when it is running, the system as a whole really works, and works efficiently! By noon we were driving home with my work done and my family happily looking forward to 10 days together! We went home, settled them down and took them to the markets in the afternoon for a bit of grocery shopping. Mom was excited, as usual, with the produce on display. That night we had a wonderful dinner together.

Saturday:

We took a drive to Phillip Island, minus the wife. The Australian road laws require all passengers to belt up and that meant a sedan like our can only take five persons. We had 6. It was a shame as the trip was fun and relaxing. The nephew (YY) was particularly excited as he has always been an animal person. He’s the sort of boy who can spend a whole day outdoors with animals and not utter a word of complaint but leave him in a shopping centre and he would be whingeing within 20 minutes. He has become a lot more chatty since we last met him and I thoroughly enjoyed talking to him. We went to a Koala park (not so good), a Wildlife park (apparently much better, but I didn’t go in for this one – waited in the car for a bit of snooze) and of course, saw the lovely penguins. We left the place around 7.30pm and got home by about 9pm. Theresa had cooked a wonderful chicken rice and had it all warm and ready for us when we got home, and we were all very hungry by then.

Sunday:

Sister and Mom didn’t want to go to church with us, so Theresa took them to the QVM in the city. I baby sat kiddo and YY – they played PS2 while I hung around, cooked lunch, before dragging them off to a park for a bit of fresh air and sunshine. The ladies returned from the markets with some wonderful seafood (fish and scallops) and we again had a wonderful dinner (Theresa and I cooked).

Monday:

Went to the Fitness First gym early in the morning, did my run on the thread mill, before going home to prepare breakfast for kiddo and sending her to school. Took mom, sis and nephew to the train station on the way to work, for their visit to the city. They were going to the aquarium. After 2 days of very nice but rich dinners, I cooked a largely vegetarian dinner that night – cabbage, vegetable soup, and had some leftover chicken cooked with carrots and mushrooms. While cooking, had a good chat with mom, caught up with news about uncles, aunties and most of all, about dad. Not so hot to hear he has resumed heavy smoking and having heavier insulin shots than before.

Tuesday:

Went to the Fitness First gym early in the morning, did my run on the thread mill, before going home to prepare breakfast for kiddo and sending her to school. Took mom, sis and nephew to the train station on the way to work, for their visit to the city. They were going to just wander about and do some shopping. They bought some lovely fish and cooked dinner! I went home to a lovely meal. Unfortunately, Theresa was having dinner with some colleagues and only came home rather late. Drank a bit too much wine while waiting for her.

This morning:

Decided to take a break from Fitness First – mainly because I felt tired, possibly because of the excessive wine last night. Made myself a strong Espresso the moment I stepped into office. Mom, sis and nephew decided to stay home this morning, and let the kid sleep in a bit more. Will pick them up during lunch and drop them off at The Glen and Kingway shops. Will then pick them up again after work.