(Response to a Comment in earlier blog today)
Dear Kiawin
Thank you for taking time to comment. I especially appreciate your comment about the need to appreciate what God has given us, and the need to obey His commands for us to be salt and light of the earth. Did I stray? You bet. Not however, by migrating. I strayed while I was in KL. When I returned from Australia after finishing my university education, I had lofty ideals. I frowned on those who remained in Australia instead of returning to serve God in Malaysia. I spent a lot of time going to all sorts of housing areas in Klang, doing evangelism. I served in my local church, participating in as many areas as possible in order to reach out to as many as possible. I also participated in mission work, doing short mission trips locally as well as abroad (several trips to India). I strayed however, and was pulled away in a very slow and gradual manner, from serving God to serving other things, especially career. It wasn’t all by choice. Career in KL is a take-no-prisoner approach. Where I was, I found it near impossible to say no to additional work and additional time in office or with clients. I loathed the late nights in office or with clients but it came with the job. Looking back I guess I could have said no and leave the consequences to God. Back then however, it was a quagmire I sunk into very slowly, almost unconsciously. By the time I realised what was happening, too much was at stake. Not just my career and money, but the well-being of my firm, my colleagues and my clients. It would have been irresponsible to walk away from it all. Also, in the midst of it all, I slowly came to detest the business practice, the corruption, the inequality and the corrupt bureaucracy and warped mentalities of people I had to deal with. In fact my walk with God was suffering the longer I remained in that set of circumstances in KL.
About 3-4 years after returning from Australia, I began harbouring thoughts of retuning TO Australia. Those thoughts floated around, germinated, got uprooted, thrown out, came back, re-germinated and so on. That cycle of thoughts just went on for years (about 10 years). It was only when I thought about how my child would probably go through the same cycle – not just of thoughts but also the cycle of work, chasing empty dreams, encountering unpleasant and corrupt bureaucracy – that I put my foot down and told myself to go. By that time, serving God in fact was a factor which if at all it mattered, tilted in favour of leaving/going! What I’m saying is one serves God in different contexts over different phases or times. I find I still have a desire to serve God, to witness for him. That wasn’t my driving factor but it has become a refreshingly new avenue now that He has allowed me to be extricated from the quagmire I found myself in in KL and which I tried to describe above. I now find joy in sharing with for example, Chinese migrants (from China). No, that wasn’t (at all) the reason for my coming here. Like I said, God is good. He turns our folly into channels of His blessings as well. Do I wish I could serve God more in Malaysia? Of course. Just like I wish I could serve God more in India. And in China. And in Melbourne Australia. Globalisation isn’t just for commerce and the economy, mate. It’s for obeying and fulfilling the great commission as well! In fact, Jesus was the first on the globalization track when he commanded us to be witnesses “to the end of the earth”.
Do I regret not letting God’s value drive my decisions on every turn? Of course I do. In this turn however, I sought Him. It was one decision my family and I prayed over for a long time. Like most decisions we make, we weigh up both sides of the argument, commit the matter to God, then go whichever way we decide. Yes, we have to be the one to decide. To most of us, that still small voice is often a deafening silence. To many of us, that message is found somewhere else, not a direct voice which we hear. God has yet to speak to me in that audible and direct manner. Do I think it is God’s will for us to be here now? I cannot be 100% sure. To every good thing, I can point to a countervailing matter. But that is life, isn’t it?
What I know is: I now work in a place where I have yet to hear a swear word (I hear about 50% clean language in my KL office). I drink only wine and about 1-2 glasses each time (I drank copious beer, whiskies, wines, brandy all the time in KL). I am yet to know someone who has cheated on his wife (I know many colleagues, associates, friends who do, in KL). I now share with Chinese migrants about Christ (in my last 5 years in KL, I barely spoke to anyone about Him). I now attend my church prayer meeting regularly (I hardly did in KL/Klang). I now worship Him with more consciousness and purpose when I go to church on Sundays (I was often sleepy and numb in Klang). I now have a regular prayer time and read the Bible regularly. Ditto family (very little in Klang/KL). Yes, it may all be the novelty angle. In time I may become jaded by all these and revert to a state of rut. Again that is life, isn’t it?
I guess we all know when we reach the pearly gates, when we are weighed up one last time.
Best regards,
Teetwoh
Ante 