The Show

Every week, I would think of leaving our current church. Maybe twice. Each week. It has been a while now. Maybe 3 months, perhaps a bit more. So all up it is probably a couple of dozen times now.

Going to church has become perfunctory. There is neither pain nor joy. Neither excitement nor boredom. It is just something I do. Every Sunday. Most Sundays. Certainly, every Sunday when I am in town. I’m in town a lot. So I’m in church on Sundays a lot. It has however, become perfunctory.

I can’t get past my recent experience, to overcome this rut – get out of it. When I withdraw, others accept it. They leave me alone. Pretty much totally. Sometimes I get what I ask for. It isn’t really what I wanted, or needed – but I asked for it and get it. I then get into a rut. I can’t seem to get out of it.

I asked to be left alone because I’m tired. I’m tired of seeing gaps, when no one else sees or cares about these gaps. I hate to sound like a nit-picker. I don’t think I am. But sometimes I feel like one. Made to feel like one. Everyone wants to get on with the bigger picture. But what is that – make everyone happy? Making sure the performance stays? The show must go on.

That’s what it is. A performance. Week in and week out. The band has to practice for it. A good performance ensures a satisfied crowd. A satisfied crowd – on account of a good performance on stage – ensures a continued sense of work done. The work of the kingdom. It has now been reduced to this. A performance. A weekly performance. Thy Kingdom come, and a good performance is proof of that.

This isn’t hard to leave. I would continue to think about leaving church. No need for me to be part of an audience. Not for this show. There are better shows elsewhere.