Great wins but…

Kiddo came back, Kiddo went back. That was last week. She went back on Sat arvo. We went to lunch at a restaurant called Treasure, just around the corner from our home. We dropped her off at Tulla close to 3pm, then went home and took the little fella for a longish walk. Back at home just after 5, I settled down to watch Hawks fight it out for a Grand Final spot.

We then went to Alex and Li Har’s for dinner towards the end of the game and I watched Hawks crawl over the finishing line for that spot, on that one Saturday in September.

At Alex’s, we caught up over a really good noodles dinner. Alex has mastered it all now. About half a dozen families sat down, ate and talked, and generally enjoyed others’ company. We all have different journeys and different challenges and it was good to catch up and share tender moments along the way.

One family had a child remove his tonsils, and that child has since become much more energetic and responsive. He had been subdued for months and months before that. Another family has a child facing some challenges in responding to an eating disorder, and the family is coming together collectively in support. Yet another family is starting to find a vocation for the mum, who was a successful career woman in a past life and has been trying to find a niche in their new life in Melbourne.

We all shared, talked, offered and took a shoulder, and generally just got together because often, that helps.

We had a really quiet Sunday, and I stayed up to watch Man United struggle but beat the scousers anyway. Theoretically, a weekend that saw Hawthorn earn a spot in the Grand Final and Man United beating Liverpool, would have me delirious and extremely satisfied. Yet I feel like I have been in a contemplative mood, unsure where I’m heading.

Work wise I have been busy, generally productive but not overly stressed. In other words, things have been great at work. Health wise, other than excess weight and dental challenges things are generally good. I continue to run on the treadmill 2-3 times a week, and feel well. So I guess it isn’t health issues either.

Tress and I have found a new level of comfort and pleasure in each other’s company – a level of equanimity that I am cherishing. We’re together a lot now, other than during work hours. We both enjoy the company of the little black jedi – our 3 year old Schnoodle – after work and every now and then, enjoy a good meal out either on our own or with some people who have become dear friends over the last few years. So it isn’t that either.

The obvious remaining candidate is church life and there is no doubting where that is. I have become almost totally withdrawn on that front. I have lost any interest, and unfortunately, my reading and praying times have also been less consistent lately. At church, I remain frustrated at the many things I see but feel pointless or too hard to do anything about anymore. That frustration has been (unfortunately perhaps) successfully tampered. I have chosen to just sit back and let others do it all, and slowly, have turned off my frustration.

It is hard however, to discard something that has been a significant part of my life for the best part of the last 30+ years. I have been involved in church service (or quasi-church) in one form or another since I was perhaps 14 or 15. From just over 3 months ago, I have made a deliberate choice of closing that chapter because I see difficulties working under present circumstances. Some of the entry matters in recent pieces would probably bear this out.

I’m not sure how to deal with this. I have been talking to Tress about sitting things out for the next few months, and then perhaps early next year, will explore the possibility of leaving the church, if this inability to serve in the current church becomes too difficult to live with.

God has His ways of dealing with His children. I have to continue to obey and be faithful.

Meanwhile, I hope to savour the build-up to Grand Final day, and enjoy bragging rights with my scouser supporting friends…