Forked Road

I am in a bit of a dilemma. On the one hand I really want to stop having any more involvement in my local church board. On the other hand, I keep hearing a need (and sometimes clearly seeing this need) to plug a gap in terms of identifying and articulating certain types of issues and sometimes, solutions to these issues.

God is omnipotent, omniscient and has it all planned and worked out. He doesn’t need anyone in particular, to see His will realised. He wants however, to give effect to His will through man – sometimes specific individuals – to fulfil His love and His glory. It is one of those apparent contradictions which makes the gospel and His kingdom glorious, ie. He is honoured and glorified when man responds to His initiatives and His love plays out in perfect splendour when man responds to that love in complete obedience and submission. Yet, His honour, glory and love has always been and will remain perfect in all of its splendour. It is almost as if He uses the agency of man for His own sake but purely for the benefit of man, yet when He does this, it only magnifies who He is.

So in a sense, it doesn’t matter whether I remain involved. But if I do, it magnifies God’s glory – but (obviously) only if I do it in a way which pleases Him. If by remaining in the Board I risk events which displease Him that equation then no longer hold. No one sets out to risk events which displease Him. Yet one can foreshadow what is to come, and examine if that future sits well in terms of whether one will be ready to do all things possible, and is confident that it is likely, that one will be able to “deliver”. I’m not sure if this equates with a refusal to exercise self-control and (perhaps more importantly) a refusal to be led by the Spirit (I believe this is the purest form of being led by the Spirit). I have a feeling this is just a recognition of the limited and sinful person that I am, have been and will likely remain.

This is not to say I have ceased seeking to be sanctified and be changed from glory to glory, but it is a recognition that all things being equal, there is a greater chance of me causing hurt and harm, than there is of me bringing hope and blessing. Obviously this means “all things being equal” becomes the epicentre of sorts. Maybe this is an opportunity, an avenue even, for me to be changed for the better. Maybe it is an opportunity for all involved – leaders of this church – to revisit how we are to be a blessing and bearer of hope, to all whose paths pass or end at the church.

What of awaiting others to also be ready, and pending that, for me to simply exit and wait it out in the wings? Sort of let the others take this church where they see fit and if/when the time is right for me to be involved again (assuming the window remains open) then by the grace of God go I. Does that work? How will that sit with the other present board members? With the pastor? With the family? I know (I think) it will sit well with the family. But is that the determining factor?

Sometimes I long for a burning bush, a whisper of a still sound voice in a cave, a voice in heaven calling out, a storm in seas to have me spat from the boat, a wetting of the wool, a blinding light on the road to Blackburn, even a passage or verse or chapter from the scriptures – anything.