These past 2 weeks have been very difficult ones. For one reason or another people I admired have either publicly had a go at me, or do flip flops in relation to work and stuff I care about. Or maybe cared about.
A very dear friend and brother put up a rant in his facebook a few weeks ago. I dont think I am wrong to come out of it thinking I am one of those in the line of fire. The other stuff he wrote about also arced me up so I dwelled on it a few days and then I wrote a personal letter to him. A letter in the traditional sense, ie sent via post rather than an email. I wanted to make it a personal communication without making it easy for re-transmission, although of course it could be easily scanned if this mate of mine (I hope he still is) should so decide. I have not heard from him since. I dont know what to expect going forward, and whether we can still claim to be close friends after this.
And then a few days ago after a church meeting, I wrote to someone with some points to consider. I wrote it in an email the next day after the meeting. The response suggests he is unhappy with the church board, probably principally me. Since reading his response on Friday night I have been having a torrid time.
I tried leaving the church board almost 3 months ago precisely for this reason – to avoid this sort of exchange. It isnt a nasty one, just that it shows up areas with so many unresolved issues and areas which there are so many disagreements from the perspectives of values and approaches.
I am not known as what some have termed as a “relational” person. Yet these developments have been eating at me. I dont know what relational means – maybe it simply means we high 5 each other more than think about our relationships. So I dont have that “touch” factor so much so perhaps I am not as relational.