New Model Needed (Brilliant Skit)


If the ABC was Relevant (Part 44) (a John Clarke, Bryan Dawes skit).

(The  Customer)

[Scene: A car yard. BRYAN is perusing the stock.  He is approached by  JOHN]

John:  Morning! Looking for a new car?

Bryan:  Nope. Prime Minister, actually.

John:  You’re the third one this morning. Anything in  mind?

Bryan: You  know…….. nothing fancy, reliable, economical family model.  Something to get the country from A to B.

John: You  mean like a Howard?

Bryan:  Yeah….a little Johnny. Nothing flash, does the job. Low  maintenance, economical, sensible. Runs for years, no  troubles.

John:  So…. you used to have one?

Bryan:  Yeah. About 10 years. Great little model – don’t know why I got rid  of him – biggest mistake I’ve ever  made ….

John: What  happened?

Bryan:  Traded him in for a Kevin 07.

John: Big  mistake…

Bryan: Lot  of people bought it. Good political mileage.

John: How  was the Kevin 07?

Bryan:  Came with a $900 factory rebate – that was  good.

John:  Anything else?

Bryan: Not  much. Sounded nice but nothing under the bonnet. It was a  lemon.

John:  Didn’t stick around for long did it?

Bryan: Nah  – had a factory recall. Shipped overseas and was never seen  again.

John: What  was the problem?

Bryan:  Lots. But the final straw was the navigation system. Plug it in and it automatically loses its own way.

John:  Whatcha got now?

Bryan:  It’s a Gillard-Brown.

John: The  hybrid?

Bryan:  Yeah. The Eco-drive system – not a good idea. An engine that can’t deliver hooked up to a transmission stuck in permanent  reverse…

John:  Green paintwork with a red interior. And steering that always  lurches to the left for no apparent reason – that’s the  one?

Bryan: The Fustercluck model.

John: The only one they made, Bryan.  Not the vehicle of choice for the road to  recovery – but did they finish up fixing the navigation system?

Bryan:  Made it worse.  Turn it on and it does a press release, heads off in  all directions and goes nowhere.

John: So that’s why you’re here?

Bryan:  That’s right. I’m stuck with a government that’s wasteful,  expensive, ineffective and past its use by date.  I don’t suppose  you’ve heard of the “Cash for Clunkers” scheme?

John: Join  the queue brother.

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